Page 130 of A Winter By the Sea
Mamma ventured, “Are you finding it difficult to forgive him? We all thought he was about to propose before ... before our family troubles began. I know you were devastated when he broke things off.”
“I believe I can forgive him. He is sincerely sorry. For inviting Lord Bertram to May Hill—”
“Do not speak that name.”
“—and for going to London when Papa was ill. He said he thought distancing himself was for the best, especially for his sister’s sake. At least until any rumors died down. I think he anticipated the news would spread quickly and far more widely than it has.”
Mamma nodded. “We all dreaded that.”
“And he did not want to be associated with us if it did,” Emily said, the words distasteful on her tongue.
Mamma sighed. “It is only natural. You know he was brought up to do everything properly, and to expect everyone else to do the same. It is part of who he is, so I suppose we must not judge him too harshly. Many people would be far crueler—ostracize us forever and spread our shame with gossipy abandon. Certainly not come and apologize. Like it or not, society can be merciless when a woman is caught in impropriety—even the appearance of it.”
“So I am learning.”
Lines of regret marred Mamma’s lovely face. “I tried so hard to instill caution and modesty in all my daughters. Clearly I failed.”
“No, Mamma. You did not. None of this is your fault.”
“Well. I shan’t argue the point, as you did not come in here to talk about my past decisions, but rather your pressing one. How can I help?”
Emily groaned. “By telling me what to do!”
“That, my dear, I cannot do,” Mamma gently replied. Then she added, “As a woman with several daughters not yet married, a part of me would love to see you well settled. Charles is a gentleman, financially secure, and well-known to us. A good-hearted boy, I always thought, although I don’t pretend to know him well as a man. His family and ours were once on good terms and likely could be again. Louise might not be the ideal mother-in-law, but that would be nothing if you and Charles truly loved one another and thought you could be happy together.”
Emily looked away. “I know.”
She was aware of Mamma’s gaze on her profile. “Is there someone else?”
James Thomson’s face appeared in her mind’s eye until Emily blinked away the image. Yes, she liked James. Found him attractive. Enjoyed his company. But he was leaving. And she barely knew him, at least compared to her long relationship with, her long love of, Charles.
Emily said, “I admire Mr. Thomson, I admit. But I should not make a monumental decision like this based on whether I have another suitor standing by. Which is not the case anyway, as he has made it clear he is not in a position to marry.”
Mamma tapped her lip in contemplation. “Even so, do you think you would hesitate to accept Charles had Mr. Thomson never come here?”
“What a question!” Emily exclaimed, yet she quickly realized it was oddly stilling as well as thought-provoking. “Honestly, I am not certain. Very insightful, Mamma. If uncomfortable. In any case, I had better decide soon, because Charles plans to return for my answer Monday afternoon.”
“Do not be pressured into making a decision until you are ready.”
“The Parkers are due to leave in a few days.”
“They can wait. This is a decision that will affect the rest of your life, Emily. Don’t make the wrong one on account of a few days.”
Emily nodded thoughtfully.
“Besides,” Mamma said on a lighter note, “are you really ready to leave Sidmouth? I thought you’d grown rather fond of the place.”
“Leave Sidmouth? Why would I ...?” Emily stopped abruptly and flushed. “I mean, naturally I’d have to leave when, if, we married, but I could still live here during our betrothal, could I not? There is no hurry.”
“Of course you could. Though something tells me that, after all this waiting, Charles would not want a long engagement.”
“I see your point.” Emily rose. “Thank you, Mamma.”
“I am sorry I could not be of more help.”
“Not at all. You have given me much to think about.”
At the door, Emily turned back. “By the way, he plans to seek you out first when he returns.”
