Page 94 of The Viscount in her Bedroom
Simon rubbed his hand down his face in frustration. Louisa had worked tirelessly with Georgie—why was she not more confident?
“Why do you feel this way now?” Louisa asked. “You and Paul always did well together.”
“But that was…before. When I was just a friend and not a woman. I don’t make a good woman.”
Simon gritted his teeth together, wanting to help somehow, but he just…waited.
“Why ever would you say that, Georgie?” Louisa asked with gentleness. “Surely you’ve seen how successful these last few parties have been. Men have wanted to dance with you, talk with you.”
“But shouldn’t it be easier? It always is for my brothers, for my mother.”
“And you want to be like her?”
“No!” Georgie said vehemently. “I know I can’t be a woman like her.”
Simon leaned his head back against the wall, full of sorrow.
“Did your mother tell you that?” Louisa continued.
Georgie drew in a breath, and Simon wondered if she were crying.
“Yes, but I didn’t think I had listened,” Georgie said with a sad laugh. “I thought I didn’t care. But now when I stand there between Simon and Leo, I feel like…nothing.”
“You mean ‘nothing’ in other people’s eyes—or your mother’s eyes?”
Georgie remained silent.
“Perhaps your mother didn’t know how to show you understanding or compassion as a little girl, so you grew up thinking you had to do whatever you could to please her.”
“And I never could,” Georgie whispered.
“And you still think you have to please everyone, that it matters how you compare to Simon and Leo. The people who truly love you don’t care that you might not be the best at everything you do. So shouldyoucare so much what acquaintances think?”
There was a long silence before Georgie spoke. “I hadn’t thought I cared so much about making a good impression on people.”
Simon went back to his study and shut the door behind him. Was that also his legacy from his mother, caring too much about what people thought, how they viewed him? He’d thought he’d retired his need to be “the entertainer.” But he’d spent his life trying to amuse his parents, keep everyone happy, and even blind, he’d continued in that pattern. That need to please just didn’t go away. Inflicting his blindness on people, making them uneasy, was something he hadn’t wanted to do. So he’d retreated, not wanting people—besides family—to see him stumble, to see him eat, to see him dance. Just like Georgie, he’d been pleasing everyone else before himself.
And before Louisa had come, he would have let Georgie continue on in error, trying to please him with her assistance. He’d become like Leo—good at getting people to help him so he never had to ask. He was angry with himself, worried for Georgie—and relieved that he’d discovered the truth, all at the same time.
All because of Louisa.
And when Georgie didn’t need her anymore, Louisa would leave.
He tried to imagine his life without her, and it seemed an even darker place. But how could he ask her to stay, to join him in this darkness, when she deserved so much more?
ChapterTwenty
Over the next several days, Mr. Reyburn called on Georgie regularly, and Louisa was quietly thrilled. After the first awkward day, Georgie seemed to become more confident by the hour. The couple could often be found walking in the garden, or riding through the countryside, an inconspicuous groom trailing behind them. Louisa would have thought Simon would be pleased with this, but he seemed thoughtful around the young couple, and Louisa wondered if he was concealing his disapproval. Why would he disapprove of his own friend calling on his sister?
She couldn’t ask him what he thought, because he didn’t come to her room at night anymore. And there always seemed to be someone with him during the day. She would have despaired of his interest, if he didn’t seem to be so focused on her whenever they were in the same room together. Once or twice Georgie nodded toward Simon while giving Louisa an encouraging look. What did she expect Louisa to do—pay him special attention in an obvious manner? Perhaps that would even drive him away.
But she had to know what he was thinking. For the fourth night in a row, she lay in bed wide awake, frustrated with their relationship, unable to sleep.
If Simon wasn’t going to come to her, she would go to him.
After wrapping her dressing gown over her nightdress, she stepped outside onto the dark balcony. Rain was falling in soft waves that soaked into her loose hair. There was no moon tonight, so instead of running she had to follow the building.
But she knew which room was Simon’s. She tried the door and found it unlocked. Slipping inside, she put her back to the door and just breathed heavily. It was as dark inside as it was outside and she felt vulnerable, hesitant, even foolish.
