Page 68 of The Viscount in her Bedroom
“What do you mean?”
Once again he heard the interest in her voice. She was always so compassionate, so ready to be of help. And he found himself wanting to tell her things that he’d never confided in anyone.
“If you haven’t guessed by now, our parents were usually too busy to be bothered with us when we were young. But Leo always managed to need their attention the most, whether it was being reminded to study when he received a poor review from our governess, or when they had to rescue him from the schemes he concocted.”
“Schemes?” she asked with amusement.
“Foolish things like organizing wrestling matches among the grooms, and then losing the pool of betting money.”
“But you weren’t like that.”
“I was too busy being the dutiful son. I was the one who did everything for Leo, from teaching him to cut his meat to overseeing his schoolwork so my parents wouldn’t have to be bothered. He could make you want to help him. Maybe I did too much for him, which is why he’s so carefree now.”
“But he also wasn’t the heir, so he wasn’t burdened as you were.”
“Making excuses for Leo now?”
“Oh no,” she said quickly.
“Then you’re trying to make me feel better for my role in Leo’s irresponsibility. It’s generous of you, Louisa, but unnecessary.”
“I could say it’s your parents’ fault. Would you prefer that?”
He found himself hesitating.
“Because it’s really the truth,” she continued. “I can’t imagine that your mother reacted to your accident well.”
“No, but even there I might be to blame.” He continued before she could erupt with her usual indignation on his behalf. “Oh, not about becoming blind, of course. But I had a role in the family. I used to think of myself as ‘the entertainer.’” He sighed. “I can’t believe I said that aloud.”
“Maybe you needed to. Go on.”
Louisa stared hard at Simon, who was lit by the candle she’d been reading by. He wore a rueful expression as he tried to make everything into a joke. But she could see the hurt inside him.
“So you want to hear all the sordid details about my past,” he said, wearing a grin.
“Yes. I want to see how you can be positive about people who treated Georgie poorly—if you aren’t offended that I said that.”
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s ridiculous, really. But I was very good at making everybody laugh.”
“I’ve noticed that about you.”
“When I was younger, I organized Leo and later Georgie into acting in plays and singing songs. I could keep our parents amused for hours in the evening. I was a lot older by the time I realized it was the only time they seemed happy together.”
“It sounds like you did a good thing for your brother and sister.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“So how could you blame yourself for your mother’s reaction to your accident?”
“She didn’t know how to handle it, of course. I kept trying to show her that I would be fine, but she seemed uneasy. When she went off to visit her sister, it was actually a relief.”
Louisa saw him as a man who tried to please everybody. “The entertainer” was a designation that seemed shallow to her, as if he could never have any quieter, more difficult emotions. But when it was his turn to need help, his mother had abandoned him. She was probably used to him as a sought-after member of theton, and when he couldn’t be…
Louisa hid her anger on his behalf and tried to be practical, which he’d appreciate. “I could understand why your mother’s departure was a relief. Your grandmother seems much easier to get along with.”
“Oh, she is. And I think we’re good for her, too. It’s terrible to lose a son.”
To distract him, Louisa said, “I know this discussion has turned from your brother to your mother, but let’s return to the subject of Georgie. I’m worried that my teaching is not having enough effect.”
