Page 21 of The Viscount in her Bedroom
He slowly reached forward, and his fingers touched her trembling stomach. For just a moment, he imagined he could feel the softness of it, covered so temptingly, so barely, in the silk of her nightclothes. No plain cotton for Louisa Shelby.
Then she backed up so suddenly that he could hear her hit the wall.
“I must go,” she whispered.
“But you can’t see.”
“My eyes have adjusted to the moonlight.”
“But some of the corridors have no windows.”
She didn’t ask him to escort her—just as he wouldn’t have asked in her place.
“There’s still a small fire in the kitchen,” he said. “I’ll light your candle. Hand it to me.”
He put his palm out, and she set the heavy candleholder in it. There was no fumbling on her part. The moonlight really must be helping her.
Once again they were on unequal ground.
“Wait here,” he said.
She had been right earlier; he didn’t want her to watch him. When he brought the candle back out to her, she took it from him, said good night, and hurried away.
He was left alone with his frustration.
~oOo~
Louisa spent the next day far too aware of Lord Wade. She could hear his voice in the great hall, or the tap of his cane down a corridor leading to his study. She didn’t want him to know how he made her feel—or heaven forbid if his family should see her dilemma. She was embarrassed to be so attracted to him.
In the afternoon, as she changed clothing in preparation for the arrival of Lady Wade’s guests, Louisa could not forget his words, that every man was her admirer, and wasn’t it what she wanted. She wished she would have had the presence of mind to tell him that all women wanted to be admired. There was nothing wrong with that, other than a little vanity.
But when he’d said it, it sounded…sordid.
And then he’d touched her, and she’d known she had to run. All right, she hadn’t exactly run, and she was proud of that.
But not much else. She’dwantedhim to touch her.
So much for being of help.
She took a deep breath. She had to get control of herself. She was attracted to the viscount, but she had to ignore those feelings. She was here to help. Her goal had expanded from being Lady Wade’s companion, to Miss Wade’s instructor, and now Lord Wade’s—what? Friend? It was obvious he was in turmoil, behaving one way in front of his family and another in front of her. Perhaps he had touched her to deliberately drive her away.
Did he want to be alone in the night? In only a couple days, she’d come across him that way twice now. Maybe he couldn’t sleep. Or…was he in despair?
She sucked in a breath, and worry enveloped her. Her father had kept his despair hidden from them all until it was too late. Wouldn’t grief be all the more powerful if one were never going to see again? Was Lord Wade hiding the same terrible secret her father had?
It seemed so difficult to believe. He wasn’t retreating from his family, as her father had done—although he was hiding behind a genial mask when he was with them. Wasn’t that a form of retreat?
Lord Wade was carrying on with his work; he had purpose, where her father somehow thought he’d lost his, and was ashamed. Family hadn’t been enough purpose for her father.
But Lord Wade was definitely ashamed of his blindness. He was a man who used to live to be among people at parties and dinners. And he’d given all of it up. No conversing at dinner parties, no singing in the evenings, no card playing with his gentlemen friends. His old life was gone.
Louisa would have to keep an eye on him, putting aside her own foolish emotions and needs.
Feeling calm and full of purpose once again, she left her room and went to the drawing room to join Lady Wade before her guests arrived. She was having several women to tea, and Louisa would use this opportunity to watch Miss Wade’s behavior, and come up with the next step in her plan to help the girl.
Heaven knew she couldn’t imagine how she could help Lord Wade. But she could not let him give into despair, even if it meant alerting his family to his dilemma.
Four ladies, middle aged and older, were being escorted into the drawing room by the butler when Louisa arrived. She took her place away from the main grouping of chairs and sofas. Miss Wade gave her a smile, but she looked nervous, pale, unlike her usual cheerful self.
