Page 85 of The Lord Next Door
Her mother seemed strangely restless, moving about the room, distractedly touching furniture and rearranging pillows. Victoria watched her silently, waiting. When her mother stared out the window, Victoria knew she was seeing none of it.
“Mama? Is something wrong?”
Her mother sighed. “Anna mentioned that she…saw you arrive home last night.”
Victoria felt a blush coming on. She understood her mother’s implication.
“And I was in the library this morning,” Mama continued, “and overheard you and your husband.”
Even as Victoria told herself that this was nothing, she stiffened. “Yes?”
Her mother turned from the window and stared at her with plaintive eyes. “Oh, Victoria, do not be offended. You’ll soon have children, and understand that we mothers only want what is best for them.”
“You do?” She heard the cruel sarcasm in her own voice, and she was horrified.
Her mother flinched as if she’d been slapped.
“Oh, Mama, please, I’m sorry. I meant—”
“No—no, Victoria, you owe me no apology. I have tried to do my best, but I have not always been a good mother. I knew your happiness lay with marriage, and I pushed you toward it.”
“You shouldn’t have pushed so hard,” Victoria said quietly.
“Perhaps. But now you have a marriage worth fighting for.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
Her mother hung her head. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
Victoria held her breath, waiting.
“I thought your father and I were happy at the beginning. I let his silences go, believing that he would turn to me when he needed me.” She sighed. “And all that did was gradually make him think he didn’t need to tell me everything.”
“Just like you didn’t tell my sisters and me.” Victoria was shocked at her own words, but wouldn’t take them back, not anymore. Had she always had this anger locked away inside her?
Mama sank onto the edge of the bed and huddled there. “I didn’t know at first that your father’s finances were going badly. We’d spent so much of our marriage avoiding conflict that I was used to avoiding…everything unpleasant. And then when it became difficult to pay the staff, he couldn’t hide our desperate situation from me any longer.”
“But you kept hiding it from us.” Victoria’s throat choked with emotion. “We trusted you!”
Mama buried her face in her hands, shaking, and Victoria just continued to watch until her mother re-established her control.
“I wanted to protect you,” her mother whispered. “That’s all I ever wanted. Until the end, I thought I could help you girls find husbands, save you before you had to bear this terrible knowledge of our disgrace. Why do you think I have been so lost? I failed you!”
“Father didn’t want to protect us,” Victoria said bitterly. “He took the easy way out.”
Her mother gave a quiet sob and covered her mouth with one hand. Then she looked up with red eyes. “Yes, yes, I know that now. He was…a coward. Somehow, he became a man I didn’t know. And I let it happen…gradually, quietly, one loss at a time. I don’t want that for you.”
Victoria bit her lip as she felt a rush of tears. She sat down next to her mother, and suddenly the words she wanted to share poured out of her. “I love him, Mama. But this morning, he seemed…distant, like a stranger again. I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t let him keep his silences, Victoria. You both need to talk.”
“How can I expect him to talk to me when I can’t really talk to him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t tell him about—about Father. David has experienced enough heartache that was not of his own doing.”
Her mother softly snorted. “And we know where that scandal came from. But Victoria, your secret will poison your marriage.”
