Page 20 of The Lord Next Door
Louisa’s distress was palpable. “Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is,” she whispered.
Victoria sat back in her chair, knowing that she had to accept her sisters’ decisions. Louisa and Meriel were adults with responsibilities they couldn’t abandon—which they didn’t want to elaborate on. Victoria realized that by trying to persuade them to live with her, she was selfishly making herself another responsibility to them. She wouldn’t do that anymore. She would be the mistress of her own household now, responsible for herself.
But the worry that was never far from her thoughts crept closer. She would just have to concentrate on the fact that Mama and Mrs. Wayneflete would be with her.
And Lord Thurlow.
She shivered and presented a bright smile to her family.
~oOo~
On the eve of the wedding, Victoria retreated to her room after convincing her sisters that she needed her rest. She stacked her notebooks on her desk: a book on her latest artistic endeavors, so that creative ideas wouldn’t leave her mind; a household journal, where she wrote out the daily things she had to accomplish; and a journal where she wrote her most private thoughts. It was this last one she opened now. She hadn’t written in it since the day Lord Thurlow had proposed. She’d been too busy with all the preparations.
Now, as she stared at the blank page, she realized that she didn’t want to see her fears put into words. She would wait until after the wedding.
Then she opened the lowest desk drawer and withdrew her childhood journal. Something had been bothering her about it all day, and the reason kept eluding her.
Victoria touched the words written in Lord Thurlow’s boyish hand.
Now that she knew his true identity, she could see the gaps in his writing, the way he’d avoided the subject of family, except for his mother. She had always thought it simply meant he was almost alone in the world.
She felt her uneasiness rising, and once again she forced away thoughts of betrayal. She was just as guilty of lies now as he was, and it did not sit easily on her conscience. So he was going to use her as his partner in social events—every wife fulfilled that function.
She closed the book and put it in a crate to be moved to her new home.
Home. She couldn’t imagine another one than this, but she reminded herself that she hadn’t always been happy here, that it was no idyllic place she’d pine for.
Could she make a new home? Would Lord Thurlow welcome her, give her a real chance, or would he treat her like the property she’d become upon marrying him?
Of course, marriage took two people, and it was equally up to her to contribute to its success. She wasn’t sure how to do that; she’d spent so many years settling into the role of spinster that tomorrow’s ceremony seemed like the start of someone else’s life.
And she would be someone else—Lady Thurlow.
Victoria could make Lady Thurlow’s life a success. She was no longer that naive girl who’d written in that childhood journal. She had experienced hard realities and knew how close she’d come to seeing poverty firsthand.
And she’d survived. She’d fed her small family, kept them warm and clothed for as long as she could. And then she’d found a man to marry—well, he’d asked her, of course, but that didn’t negate the fact that she’d initiated it. Even a year ago, that would have seemed impossible.
And now she had to keep a secret from a man who was trusting her in marriage, a man whose own father had tainted their family heritage. She had promised Lord Thurlow that she would commit no scandals during their marriage. She rationalized to herself that this was the truth, that she’d told no lie.
For how could she risk that her father’s remains be moved to unholy ground because of suicide? How could she risk the ton thinking their finances must have been mishandled, since her father was so obviously mentally unbalanced? There were good reasons to keep this terrible secret.
But there was also the sanctity of a marriage—and she was betraying it.
Chapter
Five
In the vestibule of the church, Victoria fingered the diamond necklace that Lord Thurlow had given her. Outside a light morning shower was turning steadily heavier, denying her cheerful sunshine on her wedding day. Her sisters had gathered in front of her at the partially opened door and peered inside the church.
“Can you see him?” Louisa asked.
Meriel gave Louisa an unladylike elbow. “I could if you’d move your big head.”
Victoria waited behind them for their judgment. They were suddenly very quiet, then turned to stare at her in unison.
Oh God, had the bridegroom changed his mind? Had he remembered that she would never be the Perfect Wife of their childhood imaginations?
Victoria was looking for something to brace herself on, when Louisa began to nod.
