Page 90 of Suddenly a Bride
“Edmund—”
“Allow me to finish. There’s one more truth unsaid between us, and I see now that holding it back will only cause more harm. I’ve told you almost everything about this plot by Langston to ruin me except my own response to it. My plan was to earn enough money to pay back the dowry and annul our marriage. And then I was going to find another wife, one not connected to the Langstons.”
His words were like a physical blow. Shocked and sick at heart, Gwyneth said, “Was that why you never came to my bed?”
Something flickered in his eyes, but he only nodded.
“It wasn’t because we needed to know each other better or because you cared that I wasn’t hurt?”
“I did not want to hurt you,” Edmund said, his voice hoarse. “I thought you would be better off with your family, able to find a husband of your own choosing. I would have given you a settlement to see to your comfort.”
“But I forced you to take me, didn’t I,” she said sadly. “That changed all of your plans.”
“Ichanged my own plans. I could have resisted you. But I had thought we could make this marriage work, that we would have a son and then the contract wouldn’t matter. But you didn’t tell me the truth.”
“It was just one lie,” she whispered, “and only a few days old. But you’ve lied from the beginning, planning a temporary marriage when I wanted a real one.”
Stunned by the truth of her words, Edmund knew in his heart that it was only hurt that made him speak, hurt he thought he’d never feel again. “I thought you were being forced to wed, that you would be better off without me.”
Lifting her chin, she gave him a sad look. “You had your reasons to lie, and I had mine. Are you saying we can never trust each other? Isn’t there a way past this?”
“Maybe there is, Gwyn, but I don’t know how to do it. As you know from my first marriage, I didn’t succeed before.”
“Can we not begin again, to find love now that there are no secrets between us?”
“I will not put you aside, if that is what you’re asking. I can become content again with this marriage, as I was before. But love?” How could he give her that power over him, when he didn’t know if there was any trust left between them?
Her eyes filled with tears. “I loveyou.”
She turned and fled from the mouth of the cave. She mounted Star and rode back to the castle, leaving him to follow on The General.
Could she honestly love him? If he let himself love her in return, she could hurt him worse than Elizabeth ever had.
~oOo~
Gwyneth had managed to compose her face before guiding Star into the courtyard. She gave a tired smile to the groom who took her horse, then entered the great hall, only to find everyone gathering for dinner. She wanted to run sobbing to her mother, but no one but herself could make this marriage work. She couldn’t even regret what she’d told Edmund, because she’d finally spoken the truth. She loved him, and it was time he knew it.
Now that she understood him, she saw where his plan to defeat Earl Langston had come from. He was a man who’d been rejected at every turn and saw only one way to make things better—all on his own. He had built his life on the ashes of his childhood poverty and then rebuilt it again after the Langstons had stolen his hard work. Why should he have trusted her when no one else had ever proven trustworthy? How could she make him see that he was an honorable man and that all she wanted to do was love him?
And how could she stop him from risking his life in a desperate plan of revenge against the Langstons?
Gwyneth went to sleep that night thinking that Edmund hadn’t returned to the castle. But in the middle of the night, when someone pounded on their door, he was there beside her, a warmth she’d unconsciously burrowed into. He threw back the blankets and vaulted from the bed, and as she blearily sat up, she noticed he wore his breeches. He flung back the door to see Geoffrey, who was still tucking in his shirt.
“What is it?” her husband demanded.
“Edmund, one of the small sheds is afire, though ’tis not near the main barn. The alarm has already gone out to the workers here at the castle.”
“I’m coming,” he said grimly, shutting the door and picking up a shirt.
His face looked cold and empty—deadly. Feeling panic at the rage that must be building up inside him, Gwyneth slid out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown. “Edmund, please do not just assume this is another attack against us. This could be an accident.”
“An accident?” he said with weary disbelief. “Thisisan attack, and I will not be made to look like the fool.”
“But if you send for the constable instead of trying to deal with it yourself—”
“This is what I have been trained for, Gwyneth.” He buttoned up his jerkin and bent to open up a coffer near the door.
She had never been so afraid in her life. He could never be the soldier he once was—but would he kill himself trying? Especially when he seemed so resigned. “Please, Edmund, you must listen to me. I’m so afraid for you.”
