Page 91 of Never a Bride
“No, because I wanted to be with you!”
She covered her mouth with her hand, feeling tears well in her eyes and fall down her cheeks. “Don’t! Don’t lie to make this easier on yourself.”
Alex took hold of her shoulders and pulled her closer. “I am not lying.”
She looked up into the face of a man who could seduce women as a game. Just when she saw a better side of him, he revealed a new low. Everything everyone said about him was true, and she had foolishly thought only she understood him. But he’d been using her and her sister as an amusing diversion.
In trying to protect her sister from hurt, she had opened herself up to despair and humiliation. She couldn’t look at him anymore.
“Let me go,” she whispered.
For a moment she almost wished he’d disobey her, so she could slap him. But he released her.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Edmund can escort me home.” She couldn’t look back at him. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”
The door slammed shut, and Alex flinched. In his mind he saw Emmeline’s face again—her shock and disappointment turning into horror—he felt sick inside.
How had a foolish game ended up causing so much harm? Why had he not seen what the repercussions would be?
Because he was a selfish fool, who thought only of his own pleasure. He had never imagined the desperation of needing to explain himself. He had wanted Emmeline’s understanding—only to find that it was too late.
He told himself it was better this way. What did he think would come of this, after all? Now he could pay off his debts, go back to his mistress, and live the life he was good at.
Then why did the coming days seem so bleak, so—lonely? How had he come to depend on Emmeline’s presence?
~oOo~
A sennight passed, and Emmeline began to breathe easier. Her father and the servants kept quiet about her adventure with Alex, and her reputation remained intact. Blythe didn’t need her anymore; she had more suitors than ever, and Maxwell was a frequent visitor. Emmeline tried to make her life as it used to be, even attending meetings at Whitehall.
But every night she sobbed alone in her room until her chest ached. Surely, she could cry away the emptiness she felt. How could she miss Alex so desperately, after he’d made a fool of her?
Eight days had passed since she’d last seen him, and that night she sat alone in her chamber, looking out the window over the gardens toward the Thames. Her throat was raw from crying. In the distance she could see the wherries ferrying passengers by lantern light.
She heard a knock at the door and ignored it, so whoever it was would think she was asleep. But the door creaked open.
“Emmy?”
She quickly wiped the tears from her face and donned a stiff smile before facing Blythe. “Why dearest, you should be in bed. ’Tis late.”
Blythe held a candle that illuminated her concern. “You’ve said more than once that you don’t want to talk, but I just can’t pass by your chamber and hear you crying and do nothing. Emmy, please, talk to me!”
Emmeline shook her head as she stood up. “There’s nothing to say. I’ve made a fool of myself and I just need to recover from it. ’Tis anger causing these tears.”
“I don’t believe you,” Blythe said softly, coming forward to take Emmeline’s hand. “You miss him.”
She bit her lip, surprised that she even had tears left to flood her eyes. “I refuse to miss him. He is not worthy of that.”
“You don’t mean that. I agree that the wager was an inconsiderate thing to do, but I was not hurt by it.”
But I was,Emmeline thought. She hadn’t told her sister everything, how Alex had tried to seduce her, and how she’d nearly given in. She would never be able to put her humiliation into words.
“You’re too close to see it clearly,” Blythe continued. “Alex wanted to be withyou,not me. Everything he did was meant to give you a reason to see him. You cannot fault him for that.”
“You don’t understand men like him,” Emmeline said. “There was only one reason he wanted to be near me.”
“I don’t believe that. It’s been months, Emmy. He could have found what you’re implying quite easily, with any of his old mistresses. But he didn’t.”
