Page 48 of Never Dare a Duke
“Oh, I found plenty of ancient account books and notebooks dealing with the servants, but nothing of a personal nature. Although I hardly had time to look before—”
“Before what?” Gwen said.
Abigail shook her head, hardly imagining being able to tell her dearest friend how much she’d embarrassed herself and betrayed every standard of decency. “Before I had to come down to luncheon.”
Gwen stomped her foot, and the fake bird in her bird’s nest fluttered with realism. “Oh, please, Abby, do not think to hide the truth from me now!”
“I—I—” She put her face in her hands. “Oh Gwen, the duke came looking for me, and I let him kiss me.”
She felt Gwen’s arm around her shoulder. “It was only a kiss. Surely you have received many of them from daring young men.”
Abigail shook her head, then raised damp eyes. “Never. I don’t seem to appeal to most men in such a way.”
“Or your father has sufficiently cowed the more daring suitors.” Gwen smirked playfully. “It seems you appeal to the duke.”
“Oh, no, I don’t. He was sitting on my gown and I fell on him trying to stand up.”
“Sitting on your gown? You were sitting side by side on the attic floor?”
Abigail waved her hand in dejection. “It was only so that his sister wouldn’t catch us alone. He didn’t mean to do it.”
“But he meant to kiss you.”
She felt herself blushing hotly. “I’m sure he would have kissed any woman in such a situation. I was lying across his lap.”
“Lyingacross his lap?” Gwen cried, then covered her mouth and glanced with guilt in the direction of the doorway. “So you think he would have kissed the snobbish Lady May, or the poised Lady Theodosia?”
Abigail opened her mouth—and said nothing for a moment. “Very well, he wouldn’t have kissed them, but only because his wariness of entrapment is all-encompassing. With me he doesn’t have to care.”
“If you were discovered, he would be in the same predicament with you as if he’d kissed either of those others. So do not use such a silly excuse again. He kissed you because he wanted to, and in that moment he didn’t care about the consequences.”
“In that moment,” Abigail echoed defensively. “Even you agree he wouldn’t normally feel that way.”
“I mean ‘in that moment’ he could no longer control himself from what he’s feelingall the time.”
Abigail stared in despair at Gwen, and finally felt real tears. “Oh, Gwen, do not say such a thing! He cannot feel anything for me. I’d rather it be a temporary desire than anything more. My guilt is bad enough as it is. If I truly hurt him deeper, hurt his family—”
“Stop. Stop it at once,” Gwen said kindly. “You are becoming too close to your subject. Isn’t there a rule about that?”
Abigail nodded forlornly.
“Then stop worrying. They do not need your concern. You should concentrate on your own troubles.”
But he’s become one of my troubles.
“Then what if I’ve ruined this pretend courtship?” Abigail asked. “How could he trust me now after I’ve allowed his kiss?”
“If he is any kind of a decent man, then he feels the blame for what he did with an innocent woman.”
“Then he’ll stop spending time with me. How will I learn what I need to know?”
“I didn’t say he’d stop. Honestly, Abby, I don’t think hecanstop. You’ve intrigued him.”
“That’s because he senses I’m holding something back. But I’ve come too far to stop now. I may not have the truth about him yet, but it’s hidden somewhere, I know it.”
“That’s the spirit!” Gwen said, hugging her.
Abigail took a deep breath. “Next, I’ll try to become more friendly with his sister. She does not strike me as a young lady who’s used to guarding her tongue yet.”
