Page 100 of Needing Your Love
I understood his feelings, couldn’t begin to imagine how I would react if Jimmy left me for someone who’d hurt him time and again—manipulated him into choosing evil over happiness.
I’d yet to fully grasp the fact I’d killed a man. He was gone. I’d seen his body bagged up and wheeled out to the coroner’s van.
But my emotions were bottled.
“Does DJ know?” I asked what I’d been thinking on most.
“He does, and while it’ll be some time before all of this make sense to him, he wanted me to tell you that you’re still his hero. His dream of becoming a cop so he can care for people like you do hasn’t changed.”
My eyes stung, and I managed a nod.
Mary hugged me again, and tears slid down both of our cheeks when she offered me a trembling smile before turning to leave.
After another grueling few hours, the sheriff sent me home for the next week while he and his men took care of business. I was instructed to see a therapist in Berlin who dealt with all local law enforcement issues.
I expected PTSD would be my newest companion, but weariness clung to me like a dense fog, confusing and numbing, allowing me to make it home in the middle of the night without breaking down.
Dex met me at the door, dark eyes empathetic and concerned. He threw his arms around me and held me tight, and I gave over to the need for someone else to be my strength for a change.
I’d informed him of what I could without breaking the law, and he’d texted that he’d been keeping up on the town gossip via various sources.
“You did the right thing,” he stated calmly and with authority while I sagged against him.
“I would do it again,” I murmured.
He clapped my back and stepped away, eyeing me. “You good?”
I blew out a slow exhale that did nothing to ease the tiredness I felt clear down to my bones. “Probably not, but I’m too damned exhausted to face this shit tonight. Is Jimmy still sleeping?”
“Yep. Haven’t heard a peep out of him all evening. He got up to use the bathroom once, came down for a glass of water, and disappeared again.”
“He say anything to you about Darla?”
“Nope.”
“You and I need to talk about what you’ve been up to,” I said, “but not now.”
Dex nodded, clasping my shoulder once more. “I’m fine—we’refine.”
“You and Christian?”
He shrugged. “No need to worry about me and my love life.”
“Love?”
A grimace marred his face. “Obsession? Possessiveness? Need for ownership? I have no fucking clue what to call whatever this is with Cole, but it’s hot as fuck. Twisted and probably a little toxic.” He shrugged again and turned away to grab his shoes and coat. “If you need an ear, I’ll always be here for you, Sutton. And take care of that boy—he needs you just as much as you need him, Chief. I’m happy for you. Hope this shit gets settled soon.”
“Thanks.” I saw Dex out, locked up for the night, and trudged upstairs.
The various showerheads in the master bathroom called my name, but I didn’t want to disturb Jimmy if he was out cold. Peeking into my bedroom revealed he slept like an angel, lips parted and forehead smoothed as though nothing from the day’s events lingered in his brain.
I made do with the guest bedroom’s single showerhead, noting the used towel hanging on the rack and wet washcloth folded over the tub’s edge.
Like Dex had told me, Darla’s car had been gone when I’d pulled up, and I’d never known such relief.
Hot water pelted my shoulders, and I hung my head, allowing the floodgates of grief to open. Tears slid down from my face, and I bit my tongue, swallowing against sobs that would wake my love from much-needed rest. While Mary’s forgiveness and understanding went a long way toward easing my guilt for taking her son from her—ripping DJ’s dad from his life—I feared the future. Having studied about PTSD when it came to cops and the choices they had to make in the line of duty, I knew rough days were ahead of me.
Jimmy would no longer be my sole focus, since I would have trauma of my own.
