Page 33 of Needing Your Love
I shrugged rather than state the words in my head.
“Trying to manipulate me again?”
“No! I…” Huffing, I pressed my lips tight.
“How are you doing with the house rehab?”
I blinked, my brain needing a second to catch up with his sharp turn of conversation. Did he actually expect me to spill my guts, tell him how often I wanted to puke or scratch the hell out of my forearms when stepping into that hellhole? Not. Fucking. Happening. “It’s good. I’m fine.”
Sutton shook his head, lips in a flat line. “Why can’t you be honest with me like that day I found you in your old bedroom doorway, Jimmy? Why put on a false front to hide behind?”
I couldn’t allow him to see my weakness again, but goddammit, I wanted him more than anything. My throat tightened, trapping words down deep where they wouldn’t reveal how desperate I really was. Tears welling in my eyes caused the sight of him to waver like water poured over his stoic form.
I spun and reached for the lock with shaking fingers.
Sutton grabbed my forearm, and I hesitated, breath held, pulse thundering in my ears as electrical currents traveled over my skin.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave.” Concern laced his words, the same inflections in his tone he’d always used on me when I’d been a directionless, troublesome kid.
My guts clenched. “I no longer run from myproblems, Chief,” I bit out the words, hating he still saw me in the same light as he had back then.
“You’re calling me a problem?”
I turned to face him, his hand falling from my arm. The longing proved to be too much. He wanted honesty? He could have it.
Two steps put me against his chest, but he didn’t back away. Rising onto my tiptoes, I got into his personal space as far as I could, my insides as jittery as my voice as I poked him in the hard chest. “You’rethe reason I can’t sleep at night. This feeling of unrest…Ihatethat you’re the only one I trust to fill up the emptiness inside me. The power you hold over me—” My voice cut out, my hand pressing against his chest.
His heart thrummed beneath my palm, vigorous and steadfast.
I wanted to crumple against him, bury my face against his warmth, draw from his strength, and just fuckingrest.
“Jimmy,” he whispered, but too much resignation coated his tone, making his thoughts toward me clear as he had the night he’d shut his front door in my face.
I needed to escape.
Now.
Unsteady on my feet and emotions, I unlocked the door, slipping out into the hallway while fighting off tears.
Same as nine years ago, Sutton didn’t call after or chase me even though I’d given him the truth he’d wanted to hear.
I’d been stupid to believe the chief would ever give me attention above what he showed the rest of Pippen Creek’s citizens. Regardless of how I might turn his body on, I was nothing more than another issue he had to deal with.
Worthless worm.
Dad’s voice echoed in my head long after I left Frenchie’s behind me and buried my face in my pillow back at The Moose’s Muse.
Weeks passed, and as though we had an unspoken agreement, Sutton and I avoided each other like the plague.
While warmth still filled the afternoon hours, early morning and evening took on a chill. The leaves started to hint at change, orange and yellow with hints of burgundy teasing the tree lines. My heart welled with nostalgia over my favorite season about to begin, and I filled my lungs with the scent of woodsmoke from chimneys and the final campfires of summer drifting through town from Pippen Creek Pond’s shores to the west.
I’d stayed away from Scone Haven since it seemed to be Sutton’s favorite place to grab a coffee in the morning, making do with The Moose’s complimentary breakfast bar. The rest of the days proved easier.
I cleaned out Dad’s house while obsessing over and keeping my head occupied with how I could break down Sutton’s walls and get him to submit to his baser instincts since I had no other plans and no wind was blowing me in a different direction. The man was a goddamned oak, and the axe and saws I’d attempted to use to send him toppling were dull as fuck. When would Ilearn? When would I give up on the pipe dream of having that man loom over me, filling my body and heart up in all the ways I’d dreamed of since my teenage years?
Never.
“What’s on your mind, Jimmy?”
