Page 23 of Needing Your Love
His focus dropped to the floor once more, and I hated that in my silence, I’d failed him yet again.
Chapter 10
Jimmy
Ilowered my shields, and that tiny bit of vulnerability still didn’t get me where I longed to be.
“I always hero-worshiped you,” I admitted. “Wanted you to be my dad for the longest time, was jealous of Jamie because he still had your love after his mom abandoned you both.”
A gasped exhale escaped Sutton as though my words wounded him, but I was selfish enough in my own pain not to care I’d reminded him of his own heartache. What a pair we were. Surely, we would be a perfect fit.
Right?
But piles of shit metaphorically and physically stood between us.
I glanced up the hallway toward the filthy living room at its end. The trash in there alone would fill a dumpster. I hadn’t yet stepped foot into the kitchen—couldn’t envision what I might find in there, or even worse, the memories that would assault me.
Inhaling deeply, I imagined settling my emotions into a block of ice and readied myself to face the rest of what should be done to put my past behind me. Sutton might say he was willing tohelp in whatever way I required, but he stood firm in denying what I needed.
With a physical connection that would ground me and lead me toward the healing I craved.
“Sorry you had to see that part of me,” I said, trying to sound like an adult. “Coming back here pulled shit to the surface I’d hoped was long gone.”
“Facing demons is never easy,” Sutton said, his low tone soothing as always, making me want to melt into his hard chest again where, for a moment of time, every negative thought and feeling had dissolved into a less intense attempt to ruin me. “Don’t beat yourself up for getting emotional, Jimmy. It just proves you’re real.”
I snorted, thinking about how “real” I’d been since leaving. The townsfolk would judge me for sure. “The people of Pippen Creek wouldn’t like who I really am,” I muttered.
“How about you let them make their own decisions?”
Shrugging, I moved around Sutton so I didn’t end up throwing myself into his arms again and fall apart in my weakness. Chief Sutton might be nurturing as fuck, but he would never respect or give me a chance if he found out how needy I was.
Knowing I couldn’t sway Sutton toward where I wanted him to be without putting in some serious time and further planning, I drove away from my childhood house in search of comfort that would be offered without hindrance.
Gram met me at her front door, her welcoming arms and soft bosom the perfect coming home I should have sought out first thing after arriving in Pippen Creek last night.
“Welcome back, Jimmy-boy.”
Tears stung my eyes at her kind greeting and loving tone of voice. Add in the frailty of her body that used to be robust, and my heart hurt.
“It’s good to see you,” I murmured.
“It’s been too damned long,” she chided before letting me go. Using a cane to maneuver through the entryway, Mary headed toward the kitchen at the back of the hallway.
The air smelled of chocolate chip cookies, and my mouth watered. “Did you make my favorite?”
“Of course I did.” She pointed to the table once through the kitchen’s archway, and I sat my ass down, intent on the plate of deliciousness I hadn’t tasted since the last care package she’d sent to me in Boston a few months earlier.
“Mmm,” I hummed around chocolate melting on my tongue. “So good.”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she stated, turning on the coffee pot. “Did you go to your dad’s?”
My throat spasmed, and I swallowed hard, needing moisture. “Yeah.”
“And?”
I shoved another cookie into my mouth to force my body onward, chewing and swallowing through the dryness before answering. “It sucked ass—and not in the good way.”
Gram admonished me, gently slapping my shoulder. “Coffee?”
