Page 28 of Needing Your Love
“So why haven’t you given in to his pursuit?”
I toyed with a single fry, eyeing the granules of salt littering its dark tan flesh. Old Man Ron made the best fries in town. Burgers too.
“Dad.”
Heaving a sigh, I dropped the fry, wiped my fingers free from grease on my napkin, and sat back in my squeaky chair. “Even though I’m lonely as fuck and want a relationship, I’m wary as hell—as a guy like me ought to be.”
Jamie’s face grew stormy, his forehead furrowing. “You can’t let Darla and what she did to us keep you from trying again, Dad. Not everyone is a manipulative, selfish asshole like she was.”
Jimmy had always been devious as fuck, even as a kid, but I wouldn’t share his past with my son to justify my fear. I had every right to be skeptical of his manipulative words and actions.
“He’s not planning on sticking around, so why start something that won’t last? Why lower my shields and open myself to that kind of hurt?” I shook my head with the excuse I could discuss without uncovering Jimmy’s poor choices. “I want connection and love like you and Chaz share, but letting that boy into my heart and watching him walk away one day without a backward glance will hurt even worse than Darla leaving us.”
“Damn.” Jamie stared at me. “You like him more than you did Mom?”
“Since we’re laying ourselves bare,” I said, shifting on my seat, “there are some things I never shared with you.”
He stilled as though readying himself for what I was about to unload. “I’m all ears.”
Feeling confident in my relationship with my only son, I knew I could tell him the truth of how he’d come into existence without him falling into any type of depression. I’d just never had reason to unnecessarily burden him.
“Your mom was abused as a kid and was desperate to escape her parent’s house.” I kept my voice low even though noone outside my closed door would be able to hear unless they pressed their ear to it. I wouldn’t put it past Babs to do so and wasn’t willing to take the chance others learned the truth of my marriage to Darla. “We hadn’t been dating long when she got into her dad’s liquor, and we spent a night beneath the stars. I lost my virginity that night, and I don’t remember much because I was also drunk as a skunk.”
I could see the lightbulb go off in Jamie’s head. “Shit—she did it intentionally, didn’t she?”
I nodded. “I didn’t find out the truth until you were in kindergarten, but yeah. She’d planned to get pregnant, expecting I would do the right thing, which would save her from her dad’s house sooner.”
“Because you’ve always been a caretaker and would insist on marrying her even though you weren’t of age.”
“Unfortunately, yes. Both of our parents signed papers so we could tie the knot.”
“Fucking hell,” Jamie muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.
“I wouldn’t change the past, Jamie—hadn’t ever once wished I could go back and choose differently. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, the greatest accomplishment I can claim.”
His eyes grew misty, causing my throat to tighten. “Regardless, I still believe you should go for what you want, Dad. You only live once.”
I grimaced, picking up what was left of my cold burger. “That’s true, but I don’t want to experience that kind of pain. I might not have been in love with your mom like a husband ought to be, but she still ripped my heart out when she left. I can’t let anyone have that kind of power over me.”
Jamie didn’t argue, and we finished our lunch without mentioning Jimmy again.
“You going to the season opener tomorrow night?” he asked while gathering our trash.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
Even though Jamie had hired on full-time as an officer, he still volunteered whenever he could to the high school’s football team he’d coached the year before.
“You ought to ask Jimmy to go with you.”
I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think sports are that boy’s jam.”
“He’s not a boy, Dad,” Jamie said with a grimace. “Please don’t tell me you’re into that whole Daddy thing, because I justcan’t.”
Laughter rumbled in my chest. “Jimmy might need a firm hand to set his troublesome ass in line, but I promise you won’t ever hear him call me that.”
“Thank fuck.” Jamie shivered while heading toward my office door. “Because that’s…yeah. No.”
Grinning even though my heart ached, I pulled those files in front of me again and got back to work, attempting to focus on caring for my town rather than daydreaming about Jimmy lowering his shields and allowing me to love him in the way I longed to.
