Page 88 of Returning Your Love
Jackie’s was only a block away from my apartment, so I got home from work, called in my order for pickup, then waited twenty minutes before heading out again. After my stomach was full, I planned to get in touch with Chaz, expecting eight would mean he’d be home and settled in for the night.
I hoped so, anyway.
My breath puffed in front of me with every exhale, and I hunkered deeper into my winter coat, telling myself the walk was good for my cold legs and frigid lungs.
I stopped before crossing the road, checking both ways, needing to wait for a car to pass. A quick glance at Jackie’s on the other side kept my feet rooted on the slush-covered sidewalk.
Chaz sat in the window with a blonde woman.
Blinking a few times to clear my vision, because I had to be seeing things, I told myself to bring whoever it really was into focus.
It was Chaz, all right, and fuck me, he looked good. A green button-down, hair freshly cut and actually styled for a change. The blonde sported a ponytail and wore a thick sweater.
A burning sensation flared in my stomach, and my breath came faster as he reached across the table and took her hand.
What the actual fuck?
He was…dating?
The urge to vomit rolled over me, making me lightheaded, my mouth watering like it always did before I spewed whatever was in my stomach. I swallowed convulsively, bending at the waist, hands on my knees to keep from passing out.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I knew Chaz would be the one to kill me, but like this? Making me relive my greatest heartache all over again?
A glutton for punishment, I slunk back a ways, hiding in an empty doorway, arms wrapped around myself even though I no longer felt the cold. At least the urge to throw up had settled enough that I could see straight.
I stared as the minutes passed, watching as they finished their dinner. He paid the bill with cash. Chaz helped her with her coat, his hand on her lower back as they passed from sight behind a wall.
Breath held, I stared at Jackie’s front door until it opened, and the blonde emerged, the woman from Shelly’s funeral who’d handed something to Chaz.
“Shit.” I swallowed against the thickness in my throat as my ex-best friend followed the woman down the steps to the sidewalk.
They stood out front in the cold, mouths moving, but I couldn’t hear what was said.
Chaz held out his arms, and she stepped in willingly.
A shiver rippled through me as nausea once more stirred.
I tore my gaze off them and spun away, unable to watch him give his mouth to another woman. Couldn’t fucking handle that a second time.
One block…I could make it to my apartment without losing my shit.
I didn’t.
Tears coated my cheeks before I locked my door behind me, and I pulled at my hair, a whine building deep in my chest as I leaned against the wall in my entryway, coat still zipped up beneath my chin.
This could not. Be. Happening!
Pain in my throat made swallowing against sobs difficult.
I yanked at my coat’s zipper, feeling as though I was choking.
“Fucking… Goddamnit!” I clenched my teeth, ripping off my coat, hands shaking while going straight for my work shirt. That landed on the floor too. Tore at the laces on my boots, jaw aching until I finished and tossed them aside.
I heaved for breath, hands fisted at my sides, no longer worried about the dinner I’d never picked up.
Numbness crept in, or perhaps my body was already shutting down, readying for what was to come. Hopefully, just an eternity of slumber rather than burning in hell for what I’d done and how I’d hurt Chaz enough he’d left the possibility of us for another woman.
