Page 16 of Returning Your Love
“That’s fucking bullshit. I know how much you wanted that NFL career.”
“I went to a therapist for a while. Needed help wrapping my head around the fact my knee was shot along with my well-thought-out plans for my future.”
“I’ll be honest,” Chaz stated quietly, licking his thumb clean of sticky white sweetness.
I stared, my groin tightening at the peek of his tongue along his skin.
“I’m glad you decided to come back here rather than settle someplace else.”
Blowing out a heavy breath, I nodded. “I tried Boston for a while, but it just didn’t fit. Being home isn’t as bad as I expected. At least the excitement of my return died down so I don’t have to deal with people stopping me on the sidewalks and asking me a million questions. That was growing old fast.”
“You never did like people poking around in your personal shit.”
“Nope.” I tossed another stick in.
“Can’t stand it, either.”
“So I shouldn’t ask how shitty life is right now for you like you suggested the other week?” Guessed I wasn’t above prying since I’d been bothered by the truth he’d given me that night.
Chaz sighed and leaned forward in his lawn chair, elbows on his knees and focus on the fire’s flames. “I work too much. That, along with my inability to knock Shelly up, is the biggest complaint I hear on a daily basis.” Biggest, meaning he probably got an earful of others.
My brow furrowed. That wife of his had no fucking clue how good she had it. What lengths Chaz would go to in order to make her happy.
Shelly always had been high-maintenance and tough to please. I’d never understood why Chaz had attached himself tosomeone with the same outlook as his dad’s. They were both about image and success, and anything short of the best wasn’t enough.
“You bought out a business,” I said, feeling the need to defend him. “Of course you’re going to be working a lot. Gotta provide and all that shit. Can’t imagine it’s easy with your father holding the loan too.”
“Your dad told you about that?”
“Yeah. Hope he didn’t overstep,” I said, glancing at Chaz.
“Nah.” He continued to stare at the fire, unmoving. “Makes it tougher though, that’s for sure. Financially, Shelly and I are just barely squeaking by, and if I’m one day late, he shows up at the shop to remind me payment is past due.”
“What an ass.” I wanted to punch the fucker’s nose. “Is Shelly aware of how bad your relationship with him is?”
“Don’t think so.”
“You haven’t talked to her about it?”
“No. You and my mom are the only two who are aware of that shit.”
I shouldn’t have felt such satisfaction over knowing him better than the partner he’d chosen for life, that he trusted me above her.
We sat in silence for a few seconds, the night insects creating a soothing background music that did absolute jack shit to lighten the heaviness that had settled over our conversation.
“What’s up with the pregnancy thing?” I asked a little wary, not sure Chaz would be up for discussing that particular issue. But, the can had opened, and I needed the truth so I could figure out how to be a comfort to him.
“I’m a failure.” He spoke with finality and a whole lot of guilt, revealing exactly as I’d expected.
“The fuck you are,” I shot back, once more frowning on his behalf. There was that goddamned word his asshole dad and theman’s high standards made Chaz fear. I’d expected Chaz was dyslexic or had issues with numbers, but I’d never asked. I would just step in when he struggled with classes and made sure he got to graduate alongside me like he deserved.
“It’s Shelly’s biggest gripe, but we don’t have enough money or health insurance for me to get my swimmers tested. Not sure it’s really me with the problem, but whatever.” He shrugged as though him being at fault was expected and not that big of a deal.
But I could tell it was to him. Could see it in how his shoulders slumped and lips downturned. I also knew how he’d striven to prove himself to his father for years on end. In his mind, and according to his father’s high standards, Chaz had always fallen short.
Fire kindled inside me, a protective flare that wanted to burn the negativity from his life.
Including his goddamned wife.
