Page 76 of Returning Your Love
Someone young and full of life brought a tiny bit of sunshine to the shop. Josh enjoyed blasting pop music, singing along with his favorite artists. While I doubted I could ever be converted into a Swiftie as he claimed to be, I could appreciate the woman’s music and often found myself humming along with the catchier tunes.
Having someone involved in my tiny corner of the world felt…good. And with every passing day and hour spent spillingallmy secrets to my therapist, the emotions churning inside me began to quiet. I could go minutes, sometimes up to an hour without thinking about Shelly or Jamie.
“Joshy!” A voice called over the music playing on Josh’s Bose speaker, and I stepped out from beneath a car up on the lift.
Kyle, Josh’s boyfriend, stood inside the shop’s door, face red from the biting cold outside, a grin on his face.
Josh dropped the ratchet he’d held, the clatter on the floor making me smile rather than frown over his disregard for my tools. He threw himself at Kyle, who wrapped his arms and legs around the kid, spinning him around like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, when earlier, Josh had told me they’d gone to the movies in Berlin the night before.
Their lips locked, and I looked away, an ache growing in my chest over their complete freedom to love without hindrance or issue.
It had been because of their kissing that Jamie had followed me home. It had been because of Kyle and Josh that I’d finally gotten a taste of what an intimate relationship with my old best friend could be like. Addictive in the moment, but his usual brutal honesty afterward was more hurtful than anything I’d ever experienced.
One of the highest and lowest points of my life, a dream come true and regret all wrapped up in one untidy package no person ought to have to lug around on their shoulders.
Forgiveness would be key in moving forward, according to my therapist, but not just for Jamie or even my parents. For myself. While I could finally admit without questioning that I hadn’t been responsible for Shelly’s choices that led to her death, I still hadn’t been able to pardon myself for putting my own thoughts and needs above hers, which had led to her loneliness.
Wasn’t sure I ever would.
Kyle took off a few minutes later, and Josh was all giddy, pink cheeks, and sparkling eyes as he ambled over toward me.
“Sure you don’t mind him stopping by like that? I can tell him to wait for my lunch break.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s fine.” While I attempted to smile, I failed.
“You all right, Mr. Henderson?”
“Chaz,” I repeated what I’d been doing since Josh had started working for me a couple of weeks ago.
“Still—you okay?” Josh pushed.
“It’s…bittersweet, I guess, seeing you with your boyfriend.”
“Can I be nosy and ask why?” He leaned against the workbench, arms crossed while I eyed the exhaust I’d installed on the car overhead.
The kid was always poking into business he had no right to, but for some reason, I didn’t mind him being up in my personal space. I expected it was what having a younger sibling might be like, and I didn’t hate it. The kid was only six years my junior after all. I’d come to care about the boy who was an open book, sharing bits and pieces of him that took me outside of my own head.
“I was in love with my best friend once, just like you.”
Still am.
“But weren’t you—” He swallowed the rest of whatever question he had as though realizing he might be nosey about a sensitive topic.
“BeforeI married Shelly,” I tacked on, expecting that’s where he’d been headed. Satisfied with the job I’d completed, I moved from beneath the car and started to lower it.
I could feel Josh’s eyes on me and gave him my focus when the lift settled to the ground. Like me, he wore a navy-blue jumpsuit, grease-stained and filthy. His dark hair was a ruffled mess, from Kyle’s hands or lack of a brush before coming in to work, I had no clue. Hadn’t really checked the kid out when he’d arrived a few hours earlier.
“What’s on your mind, Josh?” I grabbed a towel off the bench beside him and wiped my hands.
“You played ball in high school with Coach, didn’t you?”
A million memories of uniforms, the gridiron, and ass slaps flooded my mind, but I pushed against them, refusing to linger on what would only bring more pain.
“Yeah.” I tossed the rag aside.
Josh studied me, his eyes revealing he put puzzle pieces together in that crafty brain of his.
“I didn’t have the balls back then that you do,” I said. “Didn’t want to chance heartache, so I chose the safer route.”
