Page 49 of Returning Your Love
How long before my brain caught up with past tense in reference to my wife?
I was a widower.
Hard stop.
No one other than Jamie knew anything different about the state of my heart, and Shelly’s lover and Tara didn’t live in Pippen Creek. Nor were our lives intertwined now that my wife was gone, so the truth of the entire affair would fade into oblivion.
Hopefully, someday, my shame would do the same and allow me at least a slight bit of peace on this earth.
The doorbell rang, and I cursed. Who the fuck would bother me this morning?
I peeked out the window.
Mom. Holding a casserole.
Not in the mood but also not having a choice, I unlocked the door and motioned her inside. At least she’d come alone.
“Charles.” She set her dish on the side table alongside my keys before throwing her arms around me.
I kicked the door shut and returned her hug, able to at least take some comfort from one of my parents. Mom smelled like roses, same as always, her short stature only bringing the top of her head to beneath my chin.
“How are you?”
I shrugged while stepping back. Mom clung to my arm, her hazel eyes wet with tears. She’d never been the nurturing sort, so her empathy surprised me.
Maybe I didn’t know my mom all that well after all.
“Hanging in there. Coffee?”
“I’m good, but thank you for the offer.” She retrieved her casserole and followed me into the kitchen, her ballet flats whispering over the floor compared to my heavy footfalls. “It’s tuna noodle,” she said, setting the dish on the cold stovetop. “Your favorite.”
Yeah—from when I’d been in grade school. Now? I couldn’t stand the shit. Even worse, she’d started adding peas a few yearsback, which made me want to vomit. But I would never admit the truth and hurt her feelings.
“Thanks, Mom.” I retrieved another full mug of coffee and leaned against the counter as Mom settled at the table.
“Your father had to work today, but he wanted me to extend the offer to see to Shelly’s wake and funeral since money is tight for you.”
I took a few sips while digesting that bomb, hating that I never had enough funds for normal responsibilities never mind the hospital bills that would start showing any day. I doubted Dad offered out of the kindness of his heart though. There was no such thing inside that man. He probably figured I wouldn’t do the memory of his daughter-in-law justice. That I would just have her cremated without any ceremony or offer her friends the chance to pay their last respects as a good, upstanding citizen of Pippen Creek ought to.
Getting shit over with as quickly as possible was exactly what Iwouldhave done so her death wouldn’t drag on and intensify my shame over not being able to grieve.
“He can do whatever he needs to,” I finally agreed.
Mom smiled, her tears gone as I guzzled down more coffee. “The community has already come together. Babs started a meals-on-wheels type thing online. Sign-ups filled within an hour, so at least I won’t have to worry about keeping you fed. Scone Haven has begun a fundraiser for burial expenses, since she’d told her boss Kel that you didn’t have life insurance on each other.”
I wouldn’t pass up free meals or the gift of having not to worry over money for something else I hadn’t considered. Both acts of kindness gave me more free hours at the shop without additional stress.
Speaking of…
“I appreciate it.” I set my empty cup aside, wanting to be alone even though my mom meant well. “Sorry to cut the visit short, but I have to get to the work.”
Mom blinked, her spine straightening. “What? No! Charles, you need to grieve!”
“I’ll do that in my own way when I can,” I explained. “I’ve got bills to pay, and the clock is ticking.”
She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Charles Clifford Henderson.”
I hadn’t heard my full name fall off her lips since childhood, but I didn’t cringe as I would have as a kid.
