Page 47 of Returning Your Love
Leave it to Jamie to find me when I needed him most.
But I didn’t deserved his comfort or his faithfulness considering the lines I’d crossed with him. Yeah, Shelly had cheated too, but that didn’t make what me and my best friend had done behind her back right.
We’d chosen an unethical path, and even though my act of infidelity hadn’t caused Shelly’s death, I couldn’t help but feel somehow responsible. I’d vowed to love and honor. Cherish. Care for her in sickness and in health—emotionally as well as physically.
I’d failed in keeping every single promise I’d made on our wedding day.
My throat swelled as Jamie drew nearer, and I swallowed down tears of self-pity as he tugged on my arm with a soft touch.
“Come here.”
I went willingly, allowing myself this one thing, a single hug wrapped in strong, warm arms. He smelled like soap and natural underlying musk.
Home.
But I refused to buckle to want, to show how desperate I was to lean on him, soak in his strength, and lose myself to an onslaught of emotions that hovered beyond reach.
Jamie cradled me against his hard chest, his exhales hot on my neck.
I shivered, eyes clenching shut at the raw need far beyond lust clawing through my insides.
While now free to pursue the man I loved, I deserved to wallow in my loneliness for how badly I’d failed my wife. I’d done nothing to stop the train wreck we’d headed toward, and she in turn sought out the happiness that I hadn’t supplied.
Who could blame her?
If I’d been as miserable as she’d been, I’d have done the same.
Ididdo the same.
Fucking hell, my head hurt, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself.Andher. She’d lost even more than I had.
Shit had to get done, and I needed to pull up my boot straps and see to my responsibilities.
“You got in touch with my parents?” I asked with a deadened tone rather than revealing evidence of my emotional downward spiral.
“I called my dad, had him reach out to them,” Jamie said, his voice low and steady, reassuring as always.
I exhaled loudly as though emptying my thoughts of everything but necessities, nodded, and stepped out of his arms. Gaze on the ground, I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep from clinging to him. I could stand on my own two feet andwould. “Thanks for being here for me, Jamie.”
“Of course—always.”
Fuck, that word. I used to love hearing it on his lips.
Now it brought just as much pain as the other one I hated—failure.
I swallowed hard, determined to remain steady and in control. “Why don’t you head north,” I suggested when I wanted to slump back against his chest and fade away into oblivion. “Ican imagine I’ve got a long night ahead of me—papers to sign, calls to make, that sort of shit.”
“Chaz.”
I forced my focus upward.
Pain and empathy filled his dark blue eyes, and I clenched my jaw to keep my overwhelming yearning for him contained inside my body. “What can I do to help?”
“Go home,” I croaked out. “Give me space to make sense of this mess. Figure out the next couple of days and the laundry list of responsibilities ahead of me. I’ve got to go see Shelly’s mom. Bury my wife. Not get so backed up on work that I lose the shop.”
Fuck.
How was I going to pay all the bills—and the ones racked up thanks to today’s accident?
