Page 207 of The Wild Prince's Favorite
“Kassein, none of what happened that night was your fault. You were just a boy, and I was ten years older. I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened; I made my mistakes, and I learned to live with them. But you should not be forced to live with that pain too. None of what happened to me was your fault, Kassein. Absolutely none of it. Do you hear me?”
“You don’t understand,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “If I hadn’t listened to you, if I had stopped you, or if I had told Dad or Kassian—”
“It would have ended the same way, either way, Kassein. Do you think my baby brother could have stopped me? Do you think I would have let you get to them if I’d had any doubt you wouldn’t listen to me? All you did was do exactly what your older sister told you to, Kassein. I am, and I was, ten years older than you. I carry the weight of my own decisions, but I will not let you carry that too.”
She moved to kneel in front of him, her hands moving to his cheeks to force him to look her in the eye. His eyes were misty, his jaw trembling, and his fists shaking; Cessilia gave him a sad, sorry smile.
“Kassein, you might be a grown man now, but you’re still and will always be my baby brother, and I love you. ...And I am so, so sorry about what happened and that you felt any guilt for it.”
“But Kassian—”
“Kassian said a lot of things he never should have because he was a lot madder at himself than he was at you,” Cessilia cut him off. “Our older brother always has too much on his plate, and when it overflows, rather than ask for the help he needs, he turns to anger and lashes out at others. Whatever he said to you, Kassein, isn’t what he truly thinks. He loves us. He’s terrible at being honest, but he does. And you let me worry about him. Right now, I want you to do something you should have done a long time ago, Kassein.”
He swallowed, trying hard not to cry. He hadn’t cried in a very long time, but his older sister was opening up old, deep, and raw wounds in a way he hadn’t been prepared for. His chest was painful, his heart was heavy in his ribcage, his throat tight, and his eyes burning.
Cessilia let out a heavy sigh, her thumbs caressing his cheeks.
“You need to forgive yourself, Kassein,” she whispered. “None of what happened was your fault. You were just a boy. All you did was listen to your big sister, who was madly in love. Stupidly in love, I should say. You shouldn’t have been there. It was my decision. I disobeyed Dad and left. I know everyone blamed themselves one way or another for what happened to me, but you, most of all, did not deserve it, Kassein.”
“It was my fault,” he hissed. “I could have stopped it all. I–”
“Kassein.”
His sister’s gaze hardened, and she looked into his eyes with the most determined expression he’d seen her with in a long time.
“It’s over,” she said. “It happened, and we cannot take it back. But I do not blame you. If I ever did, I forgive you. Mom and Dad never blamed you. Kassian was no madder at you than he was at himself, but this is all long over. It’s been fifteen years, Kassein. I am fine. I am healed, and I am happy. I found Ashen again when we were both in a much better place, and now, I am the mother to three of your wonderful nieces and nephews, and I am happier than anyone could hope to be. And you deserve to be happy too. You, of all people, deserve to move on.”
“I... I don’t...”
As she witnessed the first treacherous tear escaping his eyes and crossing his cheek, his sister took a deep breath, her expression softening.
“Kassein. I know better than most people what it is like to hate yourself, to let yourself be eaten up by regrets. But it does absolutely nothing for you or others. Nothing can change what happened, no matter how much you resent yourself for it. It’s over, baby brother. You need to move on and let your regrets go. You need to forgive yourself once and for all. Make Kein stop.”
“I.. I don’t know... He...”
“Don’t lie to me, Kassein,” she whispered. “We both know exactly why your dragon wants to harm and kill you. He’s not the one who truly wants that; he’s just echoing the pain. Our dragons reflect our deepest and strongest emotions, remember?”
Another tear escaped his eyes, and he kept his eyes riveted on his big sister’s teary eyes.
He’d never said it. A part of him had always known, but he had never let himself face that shameful truth.
How much it hurt. How much he loathed himself and how much he couldn’t make his dragon stop. Because he couldn’t stop hating himself; the pain, the guilt, the self-hatred was too much.
Cessilia was right; Kein was just a tool. A tool he had been using, subconsciously or not, to harm himself. To punish himself. Because he resented himself so much that he had wanted to...
“I’m sorry,” he broke down, tears streaming down his cheeks for good this time, even as he covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking.
“Kassein,” Cessilia whispered again, her voice breaking as she moved to hug him. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t realize where your pain had stemmed from. Let it go, baby brother. You’re fine. You’re good. You are a kind man. You’re only as wild as the pain you allowed to hurt you, and it ends now. Now, you have a woman who loves you, who trusts you so much that she left her baby with you. You’re a protector, Kassein. Gods, you’re so much like Dad. You deserve to forgive yourself and be happy, baby brother. If not for you, then for that young woman and her baby girl. They need you, and you deserve to let them see the best of you.”
She kept gently rubbing his back as he sobbed and until he calmed down, whispering words of comfort like only his older sister, who had been through equal pain, could.
After he had calmed down a bit, they stayed in a quiet, tired silence for a little while.
It took Kassein a few seconds to realize Kein had stopped his angry growls. Instead, if he focused, he could sense his dragon flying calmly above the mountains, no longer a threat.
He forced himself to take a deep breath in and exhaled it. He opened his eyes again and caught his sister smiling at him.
“What changed for you?” he asked.
