Page 39 of Wildfire
I nod and then jump in the water to push the feelings down. Between the song I am writing and the damn sticky note I couldn't, I am sure my heart is betraying my mind. I'm falling for Cole.
He dives in near me, gliding like a fish before joining me at the edge of the dock. "Ready for the lap?"
We swim without hurry across the lake and back. Just two people moving in the same direction, enjoying each other's company. When we return to his side and pull ourselves out of the water, my mouth blurts out what I'd been thinking about the whole way back and forth.
"You never told me why you're not married."
"You don't mince words, do you?"
Uh oh. Did I cross the line?
He picks up his clothes and walks toward the house, motioning for me to do the same. When we reach the door, he pads inside, grabs two towels, and tosses me one. Watching me closely as I dry myself off, he sighs and finally breaks through the pea soup between us.
"I was in love once with a woman I'd known for almost as long as I'd been living in Owl Creek. We went to school together and even attended the same two-year college. We were more than sweethearts. We fit together—or so I thought."
I wrap the towel around my head and try to shimmy back into my jeans while I wait for him to continue.
"I'm going to start dinner soon. Should we wake up Zoe?"
"Not until you finish your story. What happened?"
"She had big dreams. Wanted more than I could give her."
He rakes his fingers through his dark, wet hair and sighs.
"How long ago was this?"
"Four years."
"Do you still miss her?"
"Sometimes. But honestly, it's the fact that I thought we were moving in the same direction. And then I came to find that she wanted to turn left while I was going straight."
"When we were swimming…I thought about that."
"About what?"
"How we were two people, enjoying each other's company and moving in the same direction."
"What are you saying, Renée?"
"No Wildfire?"
He closes the distance between us in a couple of strides. Suddenly, I feel his hulking presence inches away. Even though we'd just taken a swim in cold water, the heat coming off his body was measurable. I want to reach up and pull his mouth to mine, but I know I can't. I shouldn't. It would be so easy for me to fall into his arms, to live here in this paradise with the frogs singing and the easy living forever.
But what about my dream? I know I'll regret it if I don't go for it. I think my mother regretted it. Not having us kids, but setting aside herself—the biggest part of who she was. She became the wife and mother and I think she got erased. And ever since she died, my brothers and father have been erasing me. They didn't care what I wanted or needed. They didn't care what made me feel whole.
I don't want to be erased.
"I'm saying I…" I lean into my back foot, shifting an inch away from him, and it is enough to break the spell. He shifts away from me, and we stand, locked in a staring match. "You're a good man, Cole. But I'm leaving. I don't want…I don't want…"
"You don't want what I can give you."
"Is that what this is? Are you trying to show me what you can give me?"
Just then, Zoe bursts through the door. "There you two are. Damn, I was knocked out."
We step away from each other, and both turn to look at her.
