Page 60 of Icy Heart, Empty Chest
His face was going through an evolution of changes.
“On your father’s grave, I never knew. Every single one of them complimented you to me, said that you didn’t like them, no matter what they tried…” His breaths were coming faster now. He looked like I had just punched him in the stomach. A squirm caught in my stomach, twisting.
“They weren’t wrong.” I got up to put the leftover pizza away.
He caught my hand. “Please. Cora. Kids are cruel. I don’t know why they did that. I swear.”
I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. “I didn’t think you knew. I hoped you didn’t. I hoped you didn’t think the same things that they did.” My tone was soft, reserved.
“I would have stopped it.” His voice rose several octaves. I recoiled and pulled my hand away. Anger was usually a foreign thing to Damien. He tended toward sadness over anger. I pulled back a few steps, unsure.
“Please. I’m sorry. I got enraged thinking about how some assholes got in the way of talking to you for so long. Especially if I could have done something about it.” Damien’s face was crushed. His entire body language looked weighted down. His arms were hanging down, his posture dissolved into a hunch.
I turned, with my arms hugging myself. His face was pure pain.
“Is that what happened with the lake?”
Fuck. I had almost forgotten that. I had tried to, at least. “The lake was the last straw. I told you I couldn’t swim ages ago,despite being a nymph. It was embarrassing enough saying it and how nymphs ‘came from water, are natural swimmers.’ And you told Seb. So when I got a note to meet you at the lake at three that day, I did what I always do, got there early, put on some music. I remember wandering around, settling on the dock. I kept checking my watch, 3:10, 3:15, nothing. When I finally got up to leave, one of them pushed me. I could hear laughing as I broke the surface. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see. I thought I was going to die. If you hadn’t jumped in to get me, I would have.”
Damien nodded. “When you pushed me away, screaming, I didn’t know what I had done. They told me it was a prank and I remember yelling till my voice was hoarse. You actively avoided me after that. Those few weeks felt like the beginning of the end.”
“Of course. What’s worse than literal death? They won. They got you. I lost. I had to focus on my father.” I shrugged.
“Hearing you ask what the fuck was wrong with me and then punching me, stuck in my head forever.” He was looking down at the couch and appearing mildly green.
“Can you come back to the couch for a second?” His tone was almost timid.
I walked back slowly to him and plopped down. I felt exposed, open.
“I carried the guilt from that for years. I didn’t realize how bad it was. I wish you had told me more. Or maybe I didn’t get it. Maybe you couldn’t. I feel so fucking stupid not seeing any of that. The irony is, I lost contact with them after senior year. They did all of that stuff, why? ’Cause they could? I am glad you told me. It makes more sense now. I needed to understand. I don’t think I did before.”
I kept silent. I didn’t have words at that moment.
“Cora, can you ever forgive me? I think out of everything in this experience I just wanted you to forgive me for everything,” His voice cracked.
I nodded. “Dae…I already did,” I said softly.
He leaned forward to envelop me in a bear hug. I got crushed by his warmth and scent. He was home to me. I really couldn’t deny it anymore.
“I told you before. I never really hated you. I couldn’t. Anyway I think my turn is long over.”
He released me and blinked. “Turn?”
“Weren’t we playing a game?”
A fledgling smile broke across his face.
“Yeah. Rest assured I have no more burning questions like that.”
I let out a large breath. “Thank the fucking gods.”
“I choose truth,” he said with a bemused smile.
“Hmm, damn, I was going to make you streak my neighborhood.”
“Later. Ask me something.” His face was open and unguarded. I decided to start off easier.
“Do you have a favorite memory of me?” We had spent so much time together as kids, I wondered what had stuck in his head.
