Page 43 of Bend Him, Break Him
“People can still be vindictive for the sake of hurting someone else.”
“I think that chapter of my life is done.” Colton sighed. “Now, the fallout to it? That’s like a whole textbook.”
Isaac dropped the tape and let Colton convince him there was nothing more to be done about it. However, he made a mental note to double-check with the reporter by having a conversation in the same vein as his chitchat with William’s face.
A realization struck Isaac, and the guilt for his own actions began to eat away at him. William convinced himself what he did to Colton was acceptable because he was a closeted jerk. The reporter probably convinced himself it was acceptable becausehe’d transform Colton into a queer role model for athletes. And what had Isaac done to convince himself that blackmailing Colton was acceptable?
“Fucking A.” Isaac rushed over to his laptop and logged into the system, searching his files, his backups, and his professor’s cloud storage.
“What’re you doing?”
“The right thing too little and too late.” Isaac deleted his leverage. “Your essay is gone.”
“What?” Colton seemed taken aback.
“I removed it from Howard’s cloud saves; it’s a mess of ten years’ worth of papers from countless courses. No one’s gonna go looking for some silly old final.” Isaac stood from his seat and rushed to the other side of the room. “I also wiped out my backups, my email drafts, and everything on my computer.”
He tossed Colton a flash drive, then unlocked a metal box tucked under his bed. Inside were a handful of things he missed from his old life, gifts and mementos, other things he was too weak to let go of but refused to see as a daily reminder to the family he cut ties with. Folded among the mess was Colton’s essay.
Isaac kicked the box back under the bed, lit a cigarette, and stood close to the window. Using his lighter, he ignited the printed essay.
“What the hell, Isaac?”
“Don’t worry. Not gonna set off any alarms.” Especially since Isaac had learned to discreetly tamper with the smoke detectors in his room years ago.
Isaac dropped the essay in a nearby metal trash bin, letting it burn to ash along with the tissues and other junk already in the small can.
“You’re free.”
“Wait, what?”
“You’re literally holding the only evidence of your cheating essay.” Isaac gestured to the flash drive. “Break it. Burn it. Whatever. We’re done.”
“The semester’s just beginning.”
“I know. And I can’t undo what I’ve already done, but I can give you back something.” Isaac took deep drags off his cigarette, hoping the nauseous feeling came from too many quick inhales and not the festering guilt clawing at him. “If you want to keep attending GSA, I can drop the club. You seem to like it. And first thing Monday, I’m gonna tell Howard I need my TA courses swapped. I’d leave campus altogether, but that’s not really possible right now.”
“What are you going on about?”
“You won’t have to see me.” Isaac’s heart hammered in his chest; each beat a heavy acknowledgment of what he’d done. What he craved. What he’d continue to do if William hadn’t unknowingly held up a mirror to Isaac’s face, showing him how much of a monster he was too.
“I don’t want you disappearing—that wasn’t the arrangement.”
“We don’t have an arrangement anymore.” Isaac stubbed out his cigarette. “You’re free.”
“No.” Colton’s voice went low, gravellier than usual. “You don’t disappear on me again.”
Again. Damn, that hit Isaac hard. Not that he’d chosen to vanish, but Colton’s actions, his role in something so devastating, left Isaac broken and needing to hide. Those horrors seemed so far away now, not forgotten. If Isaac closed his eyes for too long, he’d feel every hit from the jocks as crisply as he did the day they cornered him in the custodian’s closet. The shame and embarrassment burned inside him, as fresh and mortifying as the day they swung open the door, chased him in the halls, took pictures of him for all to see.
“This was stupid and fucked up and wrong and twisted and—”
“And I don’t want it to stop.” Colton grabbed Isaac’s head, wrapping his hands on either side and forcing their eye contact. There was a desperate hunger in Colton’s green eyes, a longing in his expression, and a tremble in his body.
Isaac craved him, craved this, but he knew this path led to Hell.
“Just because I don’t have a hand to use against you doesn’t change things.” Isaac wheezed, fighting back his shaky words to appear strong. The idea of being vulnerable around Colton was more frightening than a thousand memories of abuse and harassment and bullying. “I will still be in charge. I will still be the priority. You will only be here to serve.”
“I know.”
