Page 13 of Only You
I clear my throat awkwardly, not really sure how to approach this. I probably should just say yes, but instead the whole truth just sort of spills from my mouth. “Not really a date. I mean, I guess some people could call it a date, but I don’t really date.” Okay, so the awkward, bumbling truth with no explanation falls from my mouth. “It’s more of a hookup. An app. I use this app. To hook up with guys.” His eyebrow raises which makes my eyes nearly bulge out of my head at surprise at my own admission.Not that I’m in the closet. I’m out and proud. Have been since my freshmen year of college... but I don’t think Tatum knew that about me. “I’m gay,” I say quickly. “I mean, I don’t know if you know that or not, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of or that I hide. Not that you have any reason to actually know that... unless you’re an asshole and just assum?—”
“Remy.” I realize he’s gotten closer to me when his big hand lands on my shoulder and he says my name, snapping me out of my rambling. “Breathe.”
And for whatever reason, I actually listen to him, pulling air into my lungs and then slowly releasing it. “Sorry,” I say awkwardly.
“Do you think I’d have any problem with you being gay?” He’s not mocking me or making light of it. He seems to be quite concerned by the prospect of me thinking that of him.
“No. I just...” I take another deep breath and release it. “I wanted to put that out there. I mean, I know you had a lot of girlfriends...”
He smirks. “Probably too many. And I’m not really sure many of them qualified as girlfriends. They were girls I hung out with.”
“And slept with,” I add.
“Not a lot of sleeping went on.” He winks at me, and I snort out a laugh. “My best friend in the world has a boyfriend. I don’t care how anyone identifies. Actually, that’s not true.” I cock a brow at him in surprise but let him finish. “I care. It matters. I’m glad you told me you’re gay. And you’re right. It’s not something to be ashamed of.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Be proud of who you are, Remy.”
I smile. “I bet not a lot of people know you’re a big softie.”
He flexes his massive—and I do meanmassive—bicep at me and then winks yet again. “Nothing soft about me.” I get lost for a moment, just staring at that inked arm with bulging muscleand so much girth I’m not sure I could get my two hands fully wrapped around it, my mouth suddenly going dry.
“Remy?”
Finally, I pull my eyes up and off his glorious arm, meeting his eyes. “Yeah?”
“You okay?” He looks relaxed now as he sits perched on the edge of my desk.
“Yeah. Fine. I’m fine. But anyway, yeah... I do have plans tonight.”
“But not a date. A hookup.” He seems to be talking himself through what I told him, but I don’t really see any judgment there. Maybe a little bit of concern though.
“I don’t date, Tatum,” I say firmly, trying to hold my head up high with conviction.
“Why not?”
I look at him, old memories starting to bubble up. I try to force them away, but with the subject and the person sitting right in front of me, it’s almost too hard. “I just don’t. I love my life. I’m happy and settled. App hookups allow me to have control. To hook up with a total stranger and never see them again.”
“That seems dangerous,” he says, and I can feel his worry.
“I’m safe, I promise.” I’m uncomfortable with the subject though. I don’t want him to dig too deep. I don’t want to go any further into it, and I start to fidget in my chair. Silently begging him not to.
“What about tomorrow?” I look at him in surprise.
“Tomorrow?”
He nods his head, watching me carefully. “Are you free tomorrow night to hang out?”
I smile, relief washing over me. “Yes. I’m free.”
He looks pleased at that, standing up from his spot on my desk. “Okay. Your place? Six?”
“Sounds good,” I say, knowing we’re probably just tabling this discussion for now and that it could come back up, but I’m still relieved.
“See you then, Remy,” he says before walking out of my office with that confident stride, his big body graceful and beautiful as he makes his exit.
Honestly, no part of me even wants to go out and meet a stranger tonight. I only want to be with Tatum.
And that’s exactly why I need to go.
SIX
