Page 74 of Our Unexpected Beginning
Julia returned to her previous seat, and Mia turned the conversation to her. “It seems that Nolan loves when I’m pregnant.”
“Mia...” Julia swallowed and wrinkled her nose. “I really don’t like being pregnant.”
“You’re allowed to feel that way.”
“No, like the changes are changes I guess. The morning–sorry,all day–sickness changes every few weeks. It doesn’t feel like me anymore.”I don’t see myself in the mirror. “I’m in a rented meatsuit. Hijacked my life like Plankton on SpongeBob.”
“Oh boy. Okay.” Mia scooted in the booth to join Julia’s side. “Have you talked to Graham?”
“Not exactly.”
“Why not?”
“He’s been trying to be in two places at once and I know he feels bad about not being here. I know I have kept him in the loop enough without adding.”Julia admitted.
Mia turned to face Julia and placed a hand on her arm. “Why?”
“It’s his fault.” Julia snorted with an eyeroll. “I know that sounds bitchy. I didn’t know this would be something I wanted until it was handed to me. I don’t know what I expected or how things are supposed to be.”
“None of us know. No matter what, it’s a guessing game.”
She sighed and leaned back, crossing her arms. Julia looked up at the ceiling. The ceiling tiles of the club warped her reflection. It pulled her face rounder, the seam in the tile split her hairline to chin and angled her forehead down.
“Why do I feel like I’m losing myself Mia? I don’t understand this. I never had a chance to find myself.” Julia shrugged in frustration. “I don’t know. I’m still in hostage negotiations.”
Her body had been invaded. She found herself arguing with herself, swinging from excited to wishing she could bolt. She couldn’t decide if she was sick to her stomach or craved food she hadn’t had in years. It’s not like she had a relationship with her mother to talk about these things. Like almost everything else, she was going this route alone.
“Some of us find ourselves in the most unusual situations and we grow and change. Adapt.” Mia encouraged Julia. “When Zander was two I lost my husband. I never thought I’d have the life I have now.One led me to the other and while I don’t wish it on anyone, I wouldn’t choose to walk another path.”
“Thanks.”
“You don’t always see it when you’re in it. You’ll get perspective.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, stuffing her hands in the sleeves of Graham’s sweatshirt she acquired his last visit.
After a long silence, Julia huffed. “I feel ridiculous.”
“I can’t debunk that unless you tell me.”
It was simple, at the core of it all she missed Graham.
Even though sex the was hot between them, it wasn’t the carnal need they’d been riding the past few months that she wanted. She needed his presence, to sit in the corner of the club and feel his hand on her thigh. Hear his heartbeat.
Julia even missed the way he snored. He’d wake up every time she tried to turn him over and he’d sleepily curl himself around her leaving her enveloped by him in every way. Her human-weighted blanket.
She was ensnared in his web despite all efforts to stay at arm’s length.
“I’m uncomfortable.” She admitted with defeat. “The bean keeps jumping between my bladder and ribs. I have had the worst belly burn.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“We can go to my place to try on your dress so I can take some measurements, please. Oh, and pizza.”
“I’ll get my keys.”
Graham
Julia:
