Page 7 of Kansas Keeper
If I’m being truly honest, there is a teeny, tiny sliver of my heart that enjoys having Mara around. Of course, she will never be able to replace Sandra or her spot in our lives, but having a woman with us simply feels better.
It’s been just me and Embry for a long time. Although I’ve tried my best to fill the massive gap Sandra’s absence creates, I simply can’t. Mara can’t either, but Embry smiles more when the woman is with us, and that is priceless.
After Embry beats us both at several games of Old Maid, we spend the walk to the park telling silly knock-knock jokes. I am surprised to find that Mara knows a few of them.
She has Embry in stitches when she does the one where she keeps saying ‘banana’ is there, then starting the joke again with “Knock-knock?” When she finally says ‘orange’ is there, Embry is confused until the punchline of “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
Embry laughs and laughs at that, then proceeds to tell it to anyone at the park who will listen. She makes several new friends in the process, while Mara and I sit on a bench gazing at her like two proud parents.
But we aren’t her parents. Well, technically, we are. But also, not really. This situation is confusing, and I don’t like how it makes my brain war with my heart.
It only gets worse when a well-meaning old lady walks by with her poodle on a leash and stops to say, “Your daughter is as cute as a button.”
We both reply, “Thank you,” then turn to look at each other.
And therein lies the problem. We both love her and think of her as ours, but she can’t belong to both of us. I don’t want to only see my daughter part of the time. I want her with me always, and I’m sure Mara feels the same way.
Just as I’m wondering if this is going to be a long, drawn-out court battle, Mara proves she’s on a similar wavelength by saying, “There’s only one way this can work out for the best for everyone.”
Curious about her thoughts on the matter, I ask, “How is that?”
It’s a good thing I wasn’t eating or drinking anything because I definitely would have choked on it from surprise when she says, “We have to move in together.”
8
MARA
It was a bold thing to say––especially to someone I just met. I can fully admit that, but Beckett didn’t have to splutter and act like it was the most preposterous thing he had ever heard in his entire life.
Glaring at him, I say, “You’re being a bit dramatic, aren’t you? I’m not suggesting we get married. I just think that all three of us living under the same roof is what is best for Embry. Isn’t that what we both want?”
“I can’t… I won’t… It’s not…” He has clearly gone completely daft.
I shake my head as I listen to him struggle to find his words. It’s becoming obvious that I have broken him.
When he finally stops attempting to string together an objection, I try to be the voice of reason. “It’s not that big of a deal. We would just share space and make sure that Embry has as much love and support as possible.”
His thoughtful expression makes it obvious that his brain is starting to comprehend that this might not be the worst thing in the world. Even though I know I should quit while I’m ahead, I can’t seem to stop my mouth from saying, “And if we happen to sleep together now and then to curb the aching loneliness a bit, then so be it.”
I shrug my shoulders to accentuate that I meant the comment in a casual sense, but Beckett’s eyes still look like they may pop right out of their sockets at any moment.
“That’s not happening,” he says a little too adamantly.
“Okay,” I hold up my palms in mock surrender. “No sex. But we still should do this… for her.”
Beckett’s gaze darts to Embry after I tip my chin in her direction. She and another little girl are pushing their dolls on swings and pretending to be mommies.
“Embry and I are doing just fine on our own,” Beckett says stubbornly.
“Definitely,” I agree, before adding, “But you could be better than fine with me in your lives. Little girls need a mother figure.”
He seems to be pondering it, so I go for the jugular. “Look, this is happening either way. I will be a part of my daughter’s life going forward. We can do it the easy way or we can both lawyer up, but now that I’ve met Embry, I won’t walk away. I can’t leave her.”
“Again,” Beckett reminds me.
The single word stings, but it’s true, so I nod in agreement. “Right, again. I don’t have it in me to leave her again.”
We are both silent for a long moment as we stare at our little girl––each lost in our own thoughts.
