Page 14 of Kansas Keeper
“You don’t have to go,” he offers half-heartedly as I stumble in my haste to put my linen pants back on.
“Oh, I’m leaving,” I say adamantly as I yank up the zipper of my pants and snatch my ruined silk shirt off the floor. “This was obviously a colossal mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I’m sorry,” he mutters. He sounds so dejected that I almost feel bad for him.
If I wasn’t so embarrassed, I might try to comfort him, but that simply isn’t possible right now. My fight or flight response has kicked in, and I am getting the hell out of here.
As much as I don’t want to leave my little girl, I need to get away from this man. Perhaps in the light of day, a path forward will become clear. And, if not, I can always hire a lawyer.
Holding my shirt together, I quickly put on my shoes and grab my purse. I’m almost to the door when Beckett says, “Mara, please wait.”
I freeze, without turning back to face him.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
He sounds almost as devastated as I feel. Still unable to turn and face him, I say, “You still love her.”
“I do,” he answers almost immediately.
Even though I’d known it was the truth, it still irrationally hurts to hear him confirm it.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he tells me.
“I know,” I whisper, unable to find my voice.
“Please don’t go.”
His voice sounds so desperate that I’m tempted to turn back. But I know that if I do, I’ll be setting myself up for a lifetime of heartbreak and always feeling like I’m second-best.
After taking a deep breath to steel my resolve, I say, “I have to. I’ll be back, though, because Embry is the only thing in the world that matters to me.”
With that, I march straight out the door, ignoring his plea to the contrary.
Once I’m locked inside my car, I allow the pent-up emotions of the past twenty-four hours to release. Desperate sobs rack my body as I cry over the man that I’ll never be able to have and the little girl that I’ll never be able to let go.
15
BECKETT
Istare at the closed front door that Mara just walked out of.Dammit!I couldn’t have screwed this up more royally, if I was trying to make a mess.
Of all the rotten things to do to a person, saying another woman’s name during sexy times has to be one of the worst. Granted, Sandra is my wife, and I will always love her, but I still shouldn’t have done that to Mara. It wasn’t right to put her in that position.
I can’t blame her one bit for scurrying out of here. It is clear that I hurt her feelings, and I doubt if she’ll ever be able to forgive me. In fact, I’m not sure if sheshouldforgive me.
It was such a dopey thing to do––especially in that moment when things were going so phenomenally well between us.
The only thing that brings me a modicum of comfort is picturing how Embry would call me a ‘rudie-patootie’ if she finds out that Mara isn’t here because of something I said.
That child is truly the light of my life. I can’t imagine what I would do without her, and I’m sure that now that Mara has met her, she feels exactly the same way.
Based on the way both Mara and Embry’s eyes light up when they are around each other, I can’t imagine doing anything that would keep the two of them apart. They both deserve to have each other in their lives.
As I poke at the last glowing embers in the fireplace, I decide that there is no way I’m going to stand in the way of the two of them having a relationship. They need each other.
Even though Mara undoubtedly thinks I’m a total jerk, I refuse to be the reason either of them has any less love in their lives. Plenty of divorced couples that hate each other make custody arrangements work, so this shouldn’t be any more difficult than that––especially since I don’t hate Mara, at all.
The warm, fuzzy feelings I have towards Mara are completely confusing. I have never once considered that I might find love again after Sandra. It simply doesn’t seem in the realm of possibility to get that lucky twice in one lifetime.
