Page 22 of His Best Friend's Wife
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The knockon my door startled me. No one ever visited me. Jamie and I were tentatively friends again as we struggled to move past the awkwardness I had accidentally caused in our relationship. The shaky ground we were on made me fairly certain that she wouldn't show up on my doorstep at 10:30 atnight.
When I flung the door open, I was surprised to see that it was Jamie on the other side. The strained expression on her face told me that whatever she had to say was uncomfortable. "There's someone named Cassandra here to see you." She spat out the name, like it was poisonous. I knew that, despite the more formal version of the name, she must realize exactly who this womanwas.
"It's fine," I nodded at Jamie, so she reluctantly moved aside to usher Cassie out of the shadows and up to my frontdoor.
The sight of Cassie nearly knocked the wind out of me. She was so lovely––even more impossibly beautiful than I remembered––yet there was a drawn, tired look to her face as well. She was also incredibly pale, like she'd just suffered through a nasty bout of theflu.
She looked peaked, as if she had endured a rough couple of weeks. I immediately wondered if Dirk had turned on her––blaming her for sleeping with me, even though it had been at his insistence. I wouldn't put it past him to be angry with her for doing what he thought hewanted.
"Hi," she muttered under her breath, sounding almost bashful. She kept her gaze averted like she was ashamed to make eye contact withme.
My first instinct was to pull her into my arms to comfort her and soothe her pain, but I forced myself to hold back by replaying in my mind how she had betrayed and used me. The love I felt for her hadn't waned at all, despite my significant efforts to get overher.
Jamie was hanging back, seeming uncertain what to do. I knew it wasn't fair to make her see the heartbroken, longing way I gazed at Cassie––despite my best efforts to the contrary. "Thanks, Jamie." I tried to infuse my voice with gratitude that she cared, even as I dismissed her from the uncomfortablesituation.
Taking the hint, Jamie stammered awkwardly, "Okay, then. Ya'll have niceevening."
Even as annoyed and hurt as she must have been, her natural southern manners and hospitality still shone through. "Night," I called after her as she quickly shuffled into her side of the house and closed her frontdoor.
"She's pretty." Cassie commented, letting the unasked question about the nature of my relationship with my landlord hang in the air betweenus.
Deciding she had no right to ask about or comment on my love life (or lack thereof), I responded with a noncommittal, "Yep," and left it atthat.
I stood to the side of my open door, silently inviting her to step inside. Cassie walked into my apartment, but immediately found her way to the open window in my living room. It was pitch black outside, but the rhythmic crash of the waves rolling into shore filled the room. "It must be wonderful to live here. I've always loved hearing the soothing sounds of the ocean," she revealed dreamily, seeming lost inthought.
Not willing to engage in small talk, I brought her back to the here and now. "What are you doing here?" I asked her rathercrassly.
She turned to me then and the look in her eyes was so filled with hope that I almost cracked and ran to her. Gathering my resolve, I glared back at her. "I couldn't stay away," she revealed, her voice cracking. "I've been looking for you since youleft."
"How did you find me?" I wonderedaloud.
"We activated'Find My Phone' after that time I lost my cell, remember? Dirk was so angry with me for being irresponsible and losing it. After I found it, we got the app, and you said we could be each other's phone buddy." She gazed up at me like I was some kind of savior, "You said you would always be there for me. Well, I need you now," she revealedsadly.
Not willing to let go of my simmering anger so easily, I retorted, "That was before you used me to get a sperm injection." Referring to our night of passionate lovemaking so callously made me physically wince, especially knowing that the sterile terminology accurately reflected how she must look atit.
She chose to ignore my rude statement. "I checked in everyday, hoping that you had turned your phone back on. I was so excited when you did that I got in the car and drove straight here," sherevealed.
I wondered why she would go to so much effort to see the man she had so blatantly used at her husband's request, but I didn't get the chance to ask. She had tears in her eyes, which made my heart melt, as she said, "I couldn't wait to see you...to apologize to you. I'm sosorry."
She sounded sincere. I wanted to stay angry. I felt the urge to clutch the bitterness filling my heart and never let it go. When I looked into Cassie's eyes, though, I knew I didn't have the power to stay mad at her. No matter what she did, I would probably always forgive her. My feelings for her were that irrational andoverpowering.
Still clinging to the last vestiges of my self-righteous bitterness, I said, "You should be sorry. You used me and toyed with my heart. And it was all forhim." I glared at her as I said the last word. Knowing that she had came to me for Dirk was the ultimate bitter pill to swallow. That was what hurt themost.
"I did," she admittedsadly.
Hearing her confess the truth was like a serrated knife slicing through a barely healed wound. The pain was almost unbearable. Even though I had known the truth, having it come directly from her mouth caused fresh pain to blister across my chest. I had to force myself to stand tall, refusing to double over from the torture ofit.
I tried to swallow around the grapefruit that had formed in my throat. I wanted to tell her to go, but I was afraid to speak––fearful that my voice would waver with embarrassing unshed tears. The last thing I needed was to shame myself by crying like a sissy in front of the woman I loved. I had to look away from her, feebly attempting to regain mycomposure.
"If I could take it back, I would." Her words were like a hard jab to my gut. Even as much pain as it had caused me, I wouldn't take back our night of passion for anything in the world. It had been the absolute best night of my life, and I wouldn't change one moment ofit.
She must have seen the injured look in my eyes because she amended her statement. "I would only take backthe reasonit happened, not the fact that it happened. Our night together wasphenomenal."
Thrilled by her admission that she had enjoyed our affair, I couldn't keep the hope out of my gaze as I peered ather.
Seeing my look, she tentatively smiled at me for the first time since her arrival. "It was beyond phenomenal," she added before revealing, "It was easily one of the best nights of mylife."
