Page 55 of And Then There Was Us
My schedule?She didn’t want to know about his past lovers, or if he’d told women this or that. Of course she didn’t. Brianna was practical, responsible. She had a daughter to worry about.
“What do you want to know about it? We race February through October, typically two races each month. I used to do the larger circuits and race weekly, but recently I’ve cut back and joined the Capital Series.”
“Capital Series. What does that mean?”
“It’s just the name of the race series. What it really means is that I have an innate need for speed and I thrive on the thrill of racing at mind-blowing speeds.”
Brianna nodded and pressed her lips together again. Hugh could practically see the gears in her brain processing and conjuring up the best way to ask whatever was on her mind.
“If you love it, why did you cut back?”
Hugh leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He rubbed one hand with the other. He hadn’t shared the truth of his answer with anyone. When the press questioned him, he gave them an off-the-cuff answer.I want to try a different circuit. Don’t want to get stale. I’m looking into other endeavors.
Brianna’s trusting eyes pulled the truth right from his heart. “Please don’t repeat what I tell you, because I haven’t been forthright with the press, and managing public relations can be a nightmare.”
“I promise. But before you tell me, is it some awful reason that will make me want to turn away? Something scandalous that if I knew about it, I’d want to protect Layla from it?”
There they were again. Her mama instincts taking over.I love that.He shook his head, wanting to smile and assure her with a happier face, but the truth was not easy to spell out, and he felt as solemn as he knew he looked.
“It’s nothing like that.” He stretched one arm over the back of the couch, more for something to hang on to than for comfort. “You know I grew up without my mom.”
“Yes,” she whispered, and at the same time, she placed her hand on his thigh.
Hugh’s chest tightened. “I’ve always been the live-fast, no-tethers guy in the family. I breezed in and out of family gatherings like the wind, even though my family is the most important thing in the world to me. But I think it’s because I know they’ll always be there. To be honest, I did the same with women.”
Brianna dropped her gaze.
“Please look at me, Bree. I will always be honest with you, and this isn’t easy for me. I need to know that you see me when I say it, and that you don’t see an image of me that my admission conjures up.”
She met his gaze.
“I’ve stopped doing that crap, so before I continue, just know that that’s who I was, not who I am.” He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I’ve never brought a woman home to meet my family, and when discussions grew deeper—with family or women—I’ve always made light of them. Then my father had some heart problems, and something in me clicked.” He paused, thinking of how his father’s illness had hit him like a knife to the chest. “Life moves fast, and my life moved even faster than most people’s. Without anything to ground me, I had no limits.”
Brianna pulled her hand from his leg. “Drugs?”
“No. Bree, I’ve never been a guy who wanted to ravage his body with drugs, so you don’t have to worry about that. Nothing illegal. Just…life. Ride hard, play hard. That’s who I was.” He leaned forward again, rubbing his hands together. “My dad still lives every day for my mom. He talks to her, and I swear, sometimes I can feel her around, you know?” He drew his eyes to hers. “She had this horse. Hope. My dad still has Hope, and he treats her like Mom is part of her.” He knew how crazy it all sounded, but even as a lump swelled in his throat, he continued. “So there I am, looking at the man who is everything to me. The man who filled the hole my mother’s absence left, and I’m thinking,What happens when you’re gone?” Hugh’s eyes welled with tears, and he pressed his finger and thumb to them. “I haven’t learned enough from him yet.Ugh.I sound like a fool.”
“No, you don’t.” Brianna scooted closer. She tucked her legs beneath her on the couch. Her knees brushed his thigh.
He nodded, unable to look at her until he got it all out. “After that weekend, I took a long look at my life. My crazy, whirlwind, no-ties life, and I realized that besides my family, my life was pretty lonely. I realized that I had learned what I needed from my dad after all. I just hadn’t listened to what he’d taught me.” He blew out another breath, relieved to get some of the feelings that he’d kept trapped for so long off his chest. She watched him intently, and her trusting eyes gave him the strength he needed to continue.
“Brianna, I thrive on thrills, but it’s not who I am. I spent a few months trying to figure out who I was. I always thought I was so different from my brothers and my sister. They always seem to do the right thing. Even my love for them never kept me tied to the family gatherings for very long. I always had to be moving forward, looking for the next thrill. I’m not proud of all of that, but I am proud of the changes I’ve made.”
“Cutting back on your racing?” she asked.
“That and other changes. I’m reaching out more to my family, spending more time with them. I spent time with Dane on his boat recently. Just stuff like that, and I’m taking more downtime now. I think one reason I never took time off before was that I had built this rep that everyone expected of me, so I felt like I had to live up to it.” Hugh felt the tension in his neck ease. “I like who I am, Bree. It took a little getting used to, not going out all the time, slowing down, but I’m a good man. I’m a nice guy, and I’m learning about things I’ve never even considered before. And mostly…” He took her hand in his. “I realized that I want what my father had.”
“Hugh, you don’t have to tell me all of this.” In Brianna’s eyes he saw the same unconditional love that his father had for him. He knew she didn’t need to know everything he was telling her, but he wanted to tell her.
“You asked about my schedule, and I know I’m giving you a diatribe about my life, but I think you need to understand why I made the changes. The main reason I cut back on racing was that while it filled my need for thrills, it left other parts of me empty. I can’t build a relationship or have a family if I’m racing every week. I need to nourish all the parts of me, not just the thrill-seeking part. I want to love the way my father loved and the way my brothers and sister love their partners. I want to be a good boyfriend and a great husband, not just a fun guy. I want to have children and raise them to be good men and women.” He searched her eyes for a hint of what she was thinking. She swallowed and licked her lips. What did he expect? He just laid a future out before her when she’d asked for a little background.
Brianna looked down at their hands; then she put her hand on his cheek and said, “You are a good man. I always thought Mack was the best man I knew, but you’re right there with him.”
He tried to swallow past the lump that was now firmly lodged in his throat. In lieu of words, he kissed her hand again. He loved her hands. He loved when she touched his cheek, or held his hand, or touched his body.I love her. All of her.He suppressed the urge to tell her. She had a heavy enough load as it was.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything,” he answered.
