Page 72 of Promise of a New Beginning
He glanced in his rearview mirror and spied his father’s Lincoln a safe distance behind. He patted the zipped pocket of his jacket and felt the package he’d purchased earlier in the afternoon. He finally felt almost whole again—almost.
Jack drove in the back way to his house, descending the steep hill toward his driveway. He pulled the motorcycle over where the pavement dipped to the left, exactly eighty-seven paces from his property line, and he parked in the grass. His father parked behind him, and while Jack helped Savannah off of the bike and set their helmets down, Jack tried not to concentrate on the blood rushing through his ears or the adrenaline pumping through his veins, causing his pulse to race.
“Jack, where are we?”
Savannah looked around, and Jack knew she couldn’t see the hidden driveway, and she wouldn’t think anything of the gaping emptiness in the otherwise overgrown woods across from them. She couldn’t see the flashing lights or feel the burn of the flames as he’d rushed over the edge two years earlier. Savannah couldn’t smell the pungent smell of burning oil and rubber, and—as Jack rubbed the back of his arm—he knew her heart wasn’t racing as his was, just as it had been the night of the accident, when he’d sped down the driveway after hearing an earth-shattering crash amid the thunder of the raging storm. She wouldn’t have to squint to see through the driving rain, as he had, and she wouldn’t feel the thick metal carving a path through his arm—almost to the bone—as he tried to free Linda’s lifeless body from the car. Savannah would never know that less than sixty seconds after he dragged her away from the burning car, he covered her body with his own, shielding her from the explosion. He rubbed the thick, rough scar, feeling the pain anew. She would not feel the searing heat as debris blew into his back, and she would never know the torture of the exact moment Jack realized that even with his body pressed against Linda’s, he couldn’t feel her heartbeat. And there was absolutely no way that she’d ever put the pieces together and realize that in that blink of an eye, his heart had stopped beating too—until he’d met Savannah.
He looked at Savannah’s trusting eyes and folded her into his arms. Her heart beat strong and true against his. Hopefully, what Savannah would know tonight was that Jack said goodbye to Linda—and his past—for good. He hoped she’d remember that tonight he promised his future to her and her alone, and that all the anger and all the guilt she’d helped him heal from and all the energy that he’d poured into holding on to the hurt would now be redirected. And every moment of every day he’d show her the man he was always meant to be.Her man.
“Son?”
Jack held Savannah’s hand as he turned to face his father, and for the first time in two years, there was no fight left in his father’s eyes, either. The guilt that had once swallowed Jack was now a shadow, fading a little more with each passing breath.
“Thanks for coming, Dad.” Flanked by Savannah and his father, he led them across the street. Jack reached for his father’s hand and felt it stiffen, then relax and, finally, embrace his large hand. Savannah held tight to his other hand. A million unanswered questions hung in her eyes.
“Savannah, this is where the accident occurred. The break in the woods is where Linda’s car spun out of control and flipped, landing upside down atop a number of trees that crumbled against the crushing impact of her car.”
Savannah wrapped her arms around his left arm and kissed his muscle, then rested her cheek against him. Jack drew strength from her love.
She slid her hand up the back of his shirt and over his scars, and when she looked up at him, he saw the question in her eyes.
He nodded, and knew she understood where his scars had come from, or at least that they happened that night, and that was enough. He loved that she didn’t push him for more. He would have told her whatever she wanted to know, but he would rather spare her the pain of knowing what he’d gone through.
“Dad, I thought you might need this final goodbye as much as I did.” He had no reason to believe that his father would know that he was giving him an open invitation to leavehispast behind, too. All he could do was hope that he would take the opportunity to let it go.
Jack took a deep breath and closed his eyes, recalling every image of the night of the accident as if it were unfolding before him anew. He knew that he would never forget what had happened or the agony that followed, and he wasn’t trying to. He needed to see it one last time before releasing the hold it had over him and leaving it behind for good, so that when he walked away with the man who raised him and the woman he adored, he would be whole, without the weight of a ghost around his shoulders.
He opened his eyes and squeezed Savannah’s hand. “It’s time to say goodbye once and for all. It took me a long time to believe this, and with Savannah’s help, I can now see clearly what you, Dad, and everyone else who loves me, was trying to tell me all along. Linda’s death was not my fault.”
He felt his father’s large hand on his shoulder.
“That’s right, son. Leave it all behind.”
Jack nodded, hoping his father was doing the same. He turned and stood eye to eye, man to man, and for the first time in his life, truly felt like his father’s equal. “Dad, I think you can leave the guilt of your past here, too.” He knew his father would interpret his words to be related to the conversation they’d had at the apartment, and that was good enough for him. His father had carried more burdens than any man he knew, for too many years, and just because he didn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve didn’t mean they didn’t exist. He hugged his father and whispered against his rough cheek, “Let it go, Dad. I love you.”
Savannah was as selfless as ever, offering him support and strength while giving him the grace of silence to say his goodbyes. When the air around them lightened and Jack felt the oppression of the past ease, he said, “Dad, I needed you here with me.” He covered his heart with his hand. “Thank you. I think I’m okay now.”
His father nodded.
“Please go see Mom and tell her that we’re okay. She’s been so worried.”
His father didn’t utter a word. He pulled Jack into another hug, tighter than before; then he put his hands on Jack’s cheeks and kissed his forehead. His paternal touch infused Jack with so much love that he could not hold back the tears that streamed from his eyes, and he didn’t want to. Jack was finally ready to feel everything life had to offer.
He watched his father embrace Savannah, then kiss her forehead in the same sweet manner.
“Thank you for helping us both,” his father said.
Jack watched his father drive away, and then he and Savannah mounted his motorcycle. Savannah’s body pressed against Jack’s back as they rode up the steep driveway. Jack swore he could feel the remaining claws of the past ripping from his body and mind and freeing him from its confines.
Chapter Forty
SAVANNAH STEPPED FROM the bike, finally understanding why Jack had hidden away in the mountains for so long. Not only had he lost someone he loved, but he had the added stab of a daily reminder just down the road. How many times had he driven by before he snapped and decided he never wanted to go back? She didn’t quite understand everything that had transpired with his father, but she trusted that Jack would fill her in when he was ready. She trusted everything about Jack, from his understanding of what he needed to make it through his days to the safe and real love he felt for her.
He came to her side and looked up at the house. “This is where I live.”
The way he said it was not convincing, as if he’d said, “The earth is square.” Savannah knew what he was really saying.This is where I lived when it happened.It was obvious that Jack hadn’t really lived anywhere after the accident…until these past few days when he’d begun living again.
Savannah stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. “I’m right here, Jack, and no matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere.”
