Page 65 of Promise of a New Beginning
“What do you mean?” She saw a smile form on his lips, then fade, as if he didn’t want to believe that whatever he was thinking could be true.
“I realized that Rush was doing what he thought my father needed or wanted him to do. He was stuck. My whole life, he idolized me. I can’t even imagine anyone idolizing me.”
“Jack.” The pain in his eyes drew her hand to his cheek. He covered it with his own hand and smiled.
“My mom does that same thing, touches my cheek like that. You’d like her.” He kissed her palm, then held her hand within his own. “Anyway, Rush said he felt like I let him down by giving up. He actually said his hero had fallen and that he was pissed that I took off, but beyond that, I could see that it was his own messed up need for our father’s approval that pushed him to act the way he did toward me. And I get that, you know? We all want our father’s approval.”
“I’m sorry, Jack. I’m missing something. What happened with your parents?”
“My mom was just glad to have me back in her life again. She’s very earthy. You know, the love-thy-neighbor and to-forgive-is-divine type.” He smiled. “To this day, I have no idea how she ended up with my father. He didn’t say much to me tonight. He and Rush and I went outside to talk, and I was very open with him about everything, and he didn’t soften once.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m sure he’ll come around. He’s your father, and really, what does he have to be mad at? Because his son needed time away to deal with the death of his wife?”
Jack placed his hands on her cheeks. “You’re an amazing person, Savannah. You see the good in everything and everyone.” He kissed her softly. “In my father’s defense, I said something to him tonight that I never realized I felt, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I must have. He’d prepared me for war, and he’d prepared me to act ethically and work hard and for all the things he deemed important for a man. But no one ever prepares you for the death of a spouse, and I guess I wish he had.”
“Jack, how could he have done that? That’s not something parents do.”
“No, but talking about death in a manner other than being proud about snuffing out the enemy is, and that’s what was missing. I do remember my mom talking us through when our pet bunny died when I was probably eight or nine, but what I remember most about that summer was my father’s belligerent attitude and his blatant disregard for what she was trying to teach us. I can only recall his words, not hers.Stop crying. Sissies cry. You’re a man. That rabbit’s life is over. Time to move on.”
“As horrible as that sounds, he was probably trying to get you to, you know, man up, or whatever guys think. I can’t imagine that any father would say that if he thought it would have long-term negative effects. Do you know how long you mourned that rabbit? You know how kids are. Is there a chance you were milking it for weeks like kids do?” There had to be another explanation. Jack was too good in his heart to have been raised by someone so cold.
“I honestly don’t remember.”
“Maybe your father has a hard time with the line between manliness and sensitivity. It’s okay to be a virile man and have feelings.”
Jack shrugged and shook his head. “My father’s not always like that. Maybe I am overreacting. I don’t know. But I know that I didn’t overreact tonight. I kept my cool, and other than that one burst of blame, which I’ll retract the next time I see him, I was pretty calm.”
Savannah sat back and sipped her wine. “So you’ll try again?” Savannah’s family was such a big part of her life. She couldn’t imagine trying to navigate a situation where one parent was not welcoming of their child. She’d deal with anything for Jack, but in her heart she had to believe that he and his father could move past whatever was blocking their path to a happier relationship.
“Yes, but not tonight. Tonight I want to hold you in my arms and just know you’re there.”
Savannah wanted that, too. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, and as her hands slid up the back of his arms, she felt his scar, and she knew that, like everything else with Jack, when he was ready, he’d tell her how it got there.
Chapter Thirty-Five
JACK WOKE UP to an odd ringing noise. He reached for Savannah, and his arm fell on empty sheets. Jack sat up and looked at the clock.Six fifty-eight?It took him a minute to realize that he’d actually slept right through the night. He loved going to sleep next to Savannah just as much as he’d loved being there when she arrived home the night before.
He climbed from the bed and located the ringing as he dug his cell phone from the pocket of the jeans he’d worn the night before. By the time he’d retrieved it, the call had gone to voicemail. He wandered through the apartment looking for Savannah and found a note from her on the counter.
Dear Jack,
You were sleeping so soundly that I didn’t want to wake you. Make yourself at home. I’m leaving you my extra key, so come and go as you please. I’m tied up most of the day in meetings, but call my cell and I’ll pick up if I can. Good luck with whatever you have planned today.
Love,
S
PS: Happy Friday. I can’t believe we met a week ago today! Xox
Jack picked up the key from the counter and rubbed it between his thumb and index finger. They’d moved so fast and so seamlessly into a relationship that it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to be holding a key to Savannah’s apartment while standing alone in her kitchen wearing nothing but his boxers. He hadn’t thought about how things might flesh out with their living arrangements. He’d never ask Savannah to leave the convenience of her apartment and move out to Bedford Corners, and now that Savannah was in his life, he wondered how often he’d make the drive there himself. Or if he’d ever want to again.
He looked at the missed call registered on his cell and recognized his parents’ number. Although he wasn’t awake enough to deal with his father, he didn’t want the call looming over him for the next twenty minutes, inducing anxiety while he drank coffee and showered. He punched in their number while the coffee brewed.
“Hello?”
His mother’s cheerful voice greeted him. “Hi, Mom. It’s Jack.”
“Oh, honey. Do you really think I wouldn’t recognize my own son’s voice? How are you? You sound tired.”
