Page 57 of Promise of a New Beginning
Savannah recognized the pain that swept over his face, leaving worry lines across his forehead. “I’m good. Let me just text Catherine and tell her I’ll be in a little late.” She texted Catherine; then the two of them went into the living room and sat on the couch. Savannah tucked her legs beneath her and faced Jack. He rested his elbows on his knees. His shoulders rode higher now, and Savannah scooted closer and rubbed the bundle of nerves at the base of his neck.
“You really are good to me, Savannah.” He looked at her briefly, then focused on his hands.
She kissed the back of his neck. “That’s because I like you at the moment,” she teased. Savannah knew from working with people who were usually smack dab in the middle of a crisis that it was better to wait for them to bare their truths when they were good and ready than to push. She massaged the knot in his shoulders and waited.
Jack rubbed the back of his left arm with his right hand. Savannah could practically feel the scar on her palm. “I haven’t shared this with you because I wasn’t sure how, and every time I wanted to tell you, I worried about what you’d think of me.” He drew in a long breath, then blew it out slowly and turned so he was facing Savannah. “The night of Linda’s accident, there was a storm.”
Savannah knew she should tell him that Treat had already filled her in, but she felt the weight of his confession between them and saw it in the rounding of his shoulders. She had to let him get this off his chest.
“It was only raining when she left, but the weather reports called for severe storm warnings. I never should have let her go.” His eyes remained trained on hers. “The storm got worse while she was gone. Doubled in strength.” He paused, swallowed hard, and his eyes welled with tears. “I can still smell the burning rubber and oil. I can see the flames. I never should have let her go. I had just come back from tour, and I was exhausted and so wrapped up in reports and data and still wound up in what we’d accomplished.” He shook his head. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let her drive with the storm warning.”
“Jack, you don’t have to tell me everything. I know you blame yourself. My cousin Blake knows Rush, and I guess he told him about the accident, and Blake told my brother.” Her stomach twisted at the depth of the pain she saw in his eyes.
“Does your whole family know?”
“Probably by now, but they don’t blame you.”
Jack shifted his eyes to the floor.
“She had a car accident. Anyone can have a car accident, any day and anytime. You couldn’t have known that she’d get stuck in the storm.” She took his hand in hers. “Look at me, Jack, please.”
Jack looked at her, and she scooted even closer. “You didn’t cause her accident.”
“Did Rush tell them that I found her?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears hung in his eyes, and Savannah could see the tension in his face as he willed them not to fall. Seeing Jack so sad tore at her heart. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.
“It’s okay to be sad, but that sadness doesn’t have to turn to guilt and anger and consume your every thought.” She rubbed his back, and when he drew away from her with red-rimmed eyes, she wished she could take the day off and stay with him.
He wiped his eyes. “Thank you. Her father and sister forgave me, but, Savannah, I’ve driven away everyone who loved me because I felt so guilty. It took a long time, but I understand now that I projected my guilt on them when all they really wanted to do was help me through the pain of losing her.”
“We all do things like that, Jack. You just did it to an extreme.” She ran her hand along his arm.
He nodded. “Maybe. But Rush? Rush will never forgive me. We said things to each other that we never should have said, and if you think I hold on to anger…” He shook his head. “And he has my father pushing him to be a man, which means…oh, who knows what that even means anymore.”
What he was going through sounded familiar to Savannah. Rex had held a silent grudge against Treat for years, and Treat had never known why until he finally confronted Rex. If brooding Rex could get over his anger, anyone could.
“If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that the fiber that weaves a family together is stronger than anything we could ever imagine. I know it feels like you might never get through to him, but I don’t believe it. You have to try, no matter how hard it is.”
Jack sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. “I intend to try, but I’m a realist, and you don’t know my father. Lately I feel like I don’t know him, either. I might have dug a hole with Rush that’s too deep for either of us to climb out of.” He took her hand and rose to his feet, bringing Savannah along with him. “You need to go to work, and I need to get home and finish cleaning out the house. Can I call you later?”
Savannah smiled at the formality of his question. “I would be upset if you didn’t.” She started toward the hall, then turned back. “Jack, are you really okay with all of this? I can stay home with you if you need me to, to help you at your place or be there if you need to talk.” She’d spent years nursing her career. It was time she gave her relationship—this relationship—the attention it deserved.
“See? You really are my angel. I’m a big boy, and you have a career to maintain. I’ll be fine. And yes, I’m really okay with all of this. I never expected life to be easy, Savannah. I just expected it not to be quite so hard. But as far as I can see, the hardest part is over. Now I have to walk over the stones I’ve tossed along the way. Some will sting more than others, but in the end, it’ll all be worth it. And, hopefully, Rush will find it in his heart to meet me halfway.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
JACK WENT THROUGH every cabinet, every drawer, and every storage container in the house, boxing up Linda’s mementos and separating the things he wanted to keep from the things he would give to Elise. He’d prepared himself for another bout of sadness, but Ralph’s forgiveness had helped him put some much-needed distance between himself and the guilt that had ruled him for so long. As that distance became real in his mind and in his heart, he was able to enjoy the fond memories instead of ruing them. The phone rang, startling him out of his thoughts.
“Well, you’re in luck,” Siena began. “Sage just got back in town from a gallery opening in Washington State, and Dex, Mom and Dad, and Kurt and I can all make it.”
“And Rush?” Jack clenched his jaw.
“He wasn’t very receptive to seeing you. I’m sorry, Jack.” Her voice faded as she said his name.
“It’s not your fault. I appreciate you trying, and at least I can talk to everyone else. That’s a start.” Jack wasn’t going to give up that easily. Maybe if he could bridge the gap with the others, Rush would feel pressure to at least see him.
