Page 19 of Promise of a New Beginning
Pratt sighed. “You probably shouldn’t tell him that, ’cause it’s not really true.”
“What’s not?” Lou asked.
“That he can do anything he wants to do.”
“I don’t understand. Of course he can. If you work hard enough, you can accomplish just about anything. Right, Jack?” Lou said.
Two days ago, Jack would have agreed with Pratt. His future looked like it was going to be one of a reclusive angry man with no hope for happiness. Now, as he looked back at Savannah and felt a fluttering in his chest, he felt a glimmer of hope that he might not be held hostage by that anger forever. It was the strangling guilt that he wasn’t as confident about.
“I think everyone should try as hard as they possibly can at anything they do in life. It doesn’t matter if you’re a garbage man or the president. Hard work pays off.” It had taken every ounce of Jack’s energy, his spirit, and his willpower to fall back from the public life he’d once lived and come to a place of solitude in order to suppress the guilt that surrounded Linda’s accident. He’d known the cost when he’d done it. As much as he wanted to disappear, it was difficult to turn his back on the people he loved. Now he wondered if he’d tried hard enough. When he told Savannah that before meeting her he’d finally been able to function like a normal human being, he was telling the truth. What he hadn’t realized then, and what was becoming clearer by the minute, was that he wasn’t functioning like a normal person at all. He’d been functioning as an angry, guilty man who was able to deal with only a modicum of civilian life—and functioning was stretching it.Maybe it’s time to deal with all this garbage head-on.
“I’m not talking about the ability to do what you dream of. I’m talking about society’s perceived value of what you do and the expectations of others,” Pratt explained.
It sounded to Jack like he wasn’t the only one waxing introspective.
“I know all about societal norms.” Lou patted Aiden’s head. “Some people think we’re rebelling against the system by homeschooling, but we just want Aiden to have a chance to learn more than schools allow. We want him to find his own likes and dislikes, and we want to nurture them through schooling. But there are even some parents who think it’s weird, so they don’t offer play dates and such.”
Jack looked over at Lou, noticing the content look in his eyes and the way he carried himself without any false bravado—his shoulders a little hunched, his belly a little soft. Lou wore hemp shorts and a loose cotton T-shirt. He appeared very comfortable in his own skin. Something Jack envied. “So why do it?” Jack asked.
Lou put his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Why live in the woods?”
Because I was too angry to live around people.“It makes me happy.”
“Exactly. Aiden’s happy when his mind is fulfilled, so we’re there to help,” Lou said. He mussed Aiden’s hair. “What does Dad always tell you, Aiden?”
“Always do what you love. Those who don’t like it don’t matter and those who matter don’t care,” Aiden said in a bored voice, as if he’d had to say it a million times.
“I’ve heard that a million times,” Pratt said. “I don’t get it because, like, my parents are all over me to go back to corporate America and they do matter to me. There is such a thing as caring too much.”
“My family doesn’t love what I do, and they matter more to me than, well, just about anything else in life.” The words left Jack’s lips before he could think to stop them. His family had reached out to him so often during the first few weeks after Linda’s death, and he’d pulled away—ignoring their efforts and their offers of help. At first it just hurt too much to see the people he loved when the one he loved most would never be with him again. As time progressed, the guilt of not seeing them wore him down and he was afraid to face them, but not a day went by that he didn’t miss his family. Before Linda had died, he’d spoken to his mother every week on the phone, sometimes twice a week. She’d tell him about her gardens or her latest sculpture, and he’d enjoyed those conversations. And Siena and Dex, his twin sister and brother, had just turned twenty-six in June, and he owed them a visit.
“So, how do you handle it, Jack?” Pratt asked.
“Not well, I’m afraid, but my position is a little different. I sort of lost my mind after my—for a while,” Jack answered. They were almost to the end of their hike and back at the stream, and he didn’t want to talk about Linda and stir up all that anger and guilt again. He was enjoying the short reprieve. “The real question, Pratt, is how are you handling it?”
Pratt held Jack’s gaze. “Not very well, either, I’m afraid. Arguing with my parents. I thought that crap would end when I left for college, but they want to control my life.”
“Too many parents want to do that, and it’s a real shame,” Lou said. “I hope I never do that to Aiden, but who knows what’ll happen ten years from now, or twenty. Live in the here and now. Maybe you both can let your family members know this is what you need to be happy. If they love you—which I’m sure they do—they’ll eventually come around, but arguing to prove your point won’t make it heard any louder. If anything, they’ll turn a deaf ear.”
Lou may have been speaking to Pratt, but as Jack listened to his advice, he realized that he’d argued with his family, demanded that they leave him alone and let him deal with Linda’s death and the guilt he felt on his own terms, but not once did he have a heart-to-heart, calm and rational discussion about any of it. He’d been too angry and they’d been too hurt.
Maybe it’s time to heal more than just my own broken heart.
Chapter Twelve
BACK AT THE stream, they cooked a stew of lentils, rice, carrots, and potatoes, and after eating as a group, Jack told them to take a few minutes to clear their heads and prepare for the shelter prep lesson. When he addressed the group, his eyes often drifted to Savannah, and each time they did, her stomach dipped like a fan girl seeing Tim McGraw for the first time.
Savannah and Elizabeth watched Pratt and Josie on a boulder nestled beside two large trees. Pratt lay on his back with his head in Josie’s lap, and it struck Savannah how fast people connected with one another.
“They’re cute, huh?” Elizabeth said.
“When I look at them, I see how free they are. Like real life doesn’t exist. As if it’s just the two of them without a care in the world,” Savannah said.
“But you know that in a paucity of hours, they’ll be back to the real world, and who knows what will happen, or if they’ll ever see each other again.”
Savannah’s smile faded.A paucity of hours.
Jack joined them a moment later. “Ladies, how are you holding up?”
