Page 34 of The Art of Loving Lacy
“Yeah? Well, she shouldn’t,” Lacy said.
“Oh, Lacy. You sound so sad. What happened?” Danica asked.
She didn’t want to argue with Danica. She pushed the confusion she was feeling onto Danica, thinking she would agree and help her to remain strong. “Let’s just say I realized that waiting so long to be with someone isn’t right. I should have seen the red flags before. You were a therapist; you should have warned me.” Lacy picked up a tissue and wiped her eyes.
“Really? So it’s my fault? I thought you were okay with not seeing him for that long. You were crazy busy, too, and you said you understood. What happened?” Danica asked.
Lacy didn’t answer. Lying was not her strong suit.
“Lacy?” When Lacy didn’t respond, Danica said, “Lacy, listen, honey. If this is really about the panic attack, you can work through that. Your panic attack could have been caused by all of it—your heightened emotions for Dane, months of building up expectations and turning all that lust into real intimacy, and worrying about if youwereafraid of sharks. Anxiety is a funny thing, Lace. It can be really powerful and fed by so many different things.”
Lacy just wanted the whole mess to go away. She already loved Dane too much to be the woman he always had to worry about. Dane had been so attentive to her needs. She knew he would be the same way forever if that’s what it took, and she couldn’t let him mollycoddle her because of her stupid fears. He deserved to be with a normal person who wasn’t afraid of the very things he worked so hard to save. It hurt to think about him, much less talk about him. She’d made up her mind already, and this time she was sticking to her guns, even if it meant leading her sister down a wayward path that she didn’t really care all that much about…or maybe she did. She didn’t really know, and it hurt too much to think about it, but it would definitely shut down Danica’s attempts to push her toward Dane.
“He has women all over the world,” Lacy said.
“So?”
“So? Danica!” Lacy lowered her voice. “What do you mean,so?”Darn it. I thought that would shut you up.
“What a person does before they meet the person they want to be with has no bearing on who they are going to be after they meet him…or her,” Danica said. “Look at Blake.”
“That’s different,” Lacy said.Why is she so set on this relationship?
“Really? How?” Danica asked.
It was no secret that before meeting Danica, Blake was a player of the worst kind. He’d have sex with any woman who wanted him.
“Most men aren’t capable of change,” Lacy said.
“Not true,” Danica retorted.
“They have to want to change.”
“True, and does he?” Danica asked.
“How should I know?” Lacy asked.
“Do you want him to?” Danica asked.
“I don’t know.” Lacy closed her eyes against another wave of tears. “None of it matters. I can’t be around a guy who tags sharks if I’m afraid of sharks.”
“It’s a phobia, and you have no idea how bad it is. You’ve had one panic attack, and you had all those other anxiety-provoking issues rising at the same time. Once you and Dane spend more time together, your anxiety level might dissipate, and spending time learning about sharks and inundating yourself with them could lead you to conquer whatever fear is left. You can work through that if you want to, and it probably wouldn’t be too difficult.”
Silence filled the airwaves.
“What’s your plan?” Danica asked.
“Forget I ever met him and go on with my life,” Lacy said.
“And how did that go last night?”
Lacy looked down at her lap, remembering the box of tissues she’d gone through and the pint of ice cream she’d eaten.
“Lacy?” Danica said.
“Hmm?”
“Before you close that door, why don’t you talk to him? It doesn’t mean you have to be with him, but just clear the air. You waited more than a year. That’s a long time to wait just to turn your back because of a panic attack. I can help you with that, too,” Danica said.
