Page 15 of Sweet Escape at Bayside
“And then you would have resented me for being unhappy,” she said less vehemently. “And I would have resented you for wanting me to be something I couldn’t. If you loved me, you would haveknownI could never be that person.”
“You took the choice out of my hands, didn’t you? You never gave me a chance to show you what I thought, or what I hoped for.”
“Don’t yousee?” she yelled, her eyes pleading for understanding. “There was never achoiceto be made. Youknewthat I had never stayed anywhere for any significant amount of time. I couldn’t be yourbig-citywife, but I’d waited my whole life to have a relationship with my sister, and that letter from Lizza made me believe I was never going to get that chance! I could be—and I wanted to be—whatever Desiree needed if she was dying. And at that point I thought shewas.”
“So youchoseto leave me wondering what I did wrong.”
She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes even as she seethed, “If I had tried to say goodbye, Ineverwould have left. That’s how much I love you! And that makes me an awful person, because who chooses a man over their own flesh and blood? But I didn’t know what else to do! I thought my sister wasdying—and leaving you nearly killedme, too. Did you ever think about that?” She threw her arms up in the air and said, “And then you show up with Lizza and you ruin everything.”
He wanted to reach for her, to point out she’d saidlovein the present tense, but he couldn’t put himself in a position to be sliced open again. He needed to know where he stood. “Ruinedwhatexactly?”
Her jaw clenched.
“What, Violet? Whatever’s going on with you and whoever you had a date with last night? If you have a boyfriend, give the word and I’ll leave you alone. I came here to getoveryou, not all mixed up like this again.”
“Idon’thave a boyfriend! I was just…outlast night.” She crossed her arms again and said, “Do you have someone special in your life?”
He shook his head, gritting his teeth and wondering whose shirt she’d worn home that morning.
“Then what did Iruin?” he asked. “That you wanted to put down roots, just not withme? Because that stings, but I’m a big boy. I can deal with it.”
“No! I didn’t know I was even capable of putting down roots. All I knew when I came here was that everything hurt. It hurt to think about you, to say your name, to know that I’d left behind the only man I’d ever loved. It hurt so much I could barely speak to people most of the time without being a witch. But Desireeneededme. She couldn’t run this place alone. We’d both been hurt and tricked by Lizza, so I learned to bury my feelings for you, to function again. I learned how to be a friend, how to be a sister, and yeah, maybe I still suck at it sometimes, but I finally know what it means to be part of a family.”
She lowered her eyes, speaking softer. “And while I was learning all those things, I wondered if I’d made a mistake. If I could have been the person you wanted.” She lifted her gaze and said, “But I know I couldn’t have.Lookat me.” She tore off her sweatshirt and held her arms out. “I’m not doctor’s wife material. I’m the girl who curses and says stuff nobody wants to hear. I cannot stand fake people, I hate dresses and heels, and I’d never give up my bike foranyone.”
He set his beer on the table and took her hand, unable to keep his distance a second longer. Maybe he should be more upset, but knowing all she’d been through brought a level of understanding that helped ease the pain. “You think you’re not enough because of everything you’ve been through and the rotten people who have made you feel that way.”
She lifted her chin and said, “I’m enough forme. And I’m enough for Desiree.”
“Daisy…” He gazed into her eyes, admiring her strength, even though it was that strength that had allowed her to walk away from him. “You were always enough for me just as you were. And yeah, you’re right. We wouldn’t have made it in Boston.”
She lowered her eyes with a pained expression.
He lifted her chin so she had to look at him and said, “But not just because you dislike everything I had been brought up to respect, or because you think you wouldn’t have fit in. You wouldn’t have liked being a big-city wife, and I should have seen that. But there’s another reason we wouldn’t have been able to stay in Boston. I changed while we were together. I know you thought I couldn’t change without resenting you, and maybe that would have been true if I had changedforyou. But you changed the way I saw the world, and that changed who I wanted to be. When I founded Operation SHINE I sold my practice, my house in Boston, and all the material nonsense that went with it. I got rid of the Beamer and bought a bike. You’ve put down roots, and I’ve torn mine out.” He breathed deeply, struck by their new juxtaposition, and said, “SHINE will be opening two medical clinics every eighteen months. I plan to be there when each clinic opens for three to four months to make sure they’re appropriately staffed and operating effectively. When I’m not in the field, I work with my staff to coordinate ongoing fundraising efforts, recruit medical staff, prepare for the next location, and try to forget the woman who had such an incredible impact on my life.”
HE’D CHANGED HIS whole life, given up everything to create a garden from seedsshe’dplanted. She didn’t know what to do with that information any more than she knew how to handle the pained confirmation of how much she’d hurt him. Violet grabbed her beer from the table and guzzled it, wishing she could dive in headfirst.
Andre laughed softly. “That’s one way to deal with it.”
“It doesn’t help. Trust me; I’ve tried.” She sank down to the arm of a chair and said, “Well, if this doesn’t take the freaking cake. You’ve become a modern-day Patch Adams and I’m an inn owner.”
“Tell me about it.” He looked around the cottage and said, “So you own this place, too?”
She nodded.
“And you’re living here full time?”
“I haven’t left thestatesince I arrived.” She hadn’t realized that until just now, but not only hadn’t she left; she didn’t have the itch to take off like she used to.
“I can’t even imagine it. You were mygypsy, wanting to do so much for so many, content to live with nearly nothing. And now you have all this.”
“I didn’t think I was capable of sticking around, but I didn’t want to lose the only family home I’d ever really known. When Desiree said she was going back to Virginia, I said I’d stay. And once she said if I stayed, she was staying, I knew I had made the right choice. I don’t think I ever knew how badly I wanted to be with her, andknowher, until Lizza tricked us into coming here and then took off.”
“Was it hard? Staying at first?”
She nodded. “I missed you so much I wasn’t sure I’d survive.”It still hurts, a hundred times as badly now that you’re here.“Desiree fell in love with Rick the first summer we were here, and that made it even harder. I was happy for her, but it was like tearing open a wound. I thought about reaching out to you once your contract was over, when I knew you’d be back in Boston. But even though I was here, I still couldn’t be the woman you needed.” She didn’t tell him that when her friends had all gone to Boston during the brief period in which Serena had lived there, she had stayed behind. It would have been too hard knowing he was theresomewhere.
“Thank you for explaining it all to me.”
