Page 64 of Sweet Escape at Bayside
“Because I was a mess. I desperately wanted a relationship with you, too, and suddenly there you were, my sweet, smart, organized, capable, andstablesister, willing to stick around with me andtry. But I didn’t even knowhowto have a real relationship, and if you don’t believe me, look at my history. I had just walked away from the only man I have ever loved and I didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye to him.” She inhaled one shaky breath after another and looked up at the ceiling. It was too hard seeing the pain she’d caused. “My childhood was spent as the new kid in foreign places where half the time I didn’t even speak the language. Just when I’d find a friend, Lizza would drag me to someplace new, and I’d have to start all over. It was easier to trynotto connect with people. I still have no idea how Andre got through to me, but he was like the fire in a kiln, refusing to stop until he’d infiltrated every iota of my being. And even then I hid parts of myself, parts of mylife, from him by running away.”
“IthoughtI got through to you,” Desiree said. “That’s why it hurts so bad.”
“You did get through. I have never had to answer to anyone. When I was growing up Lizza would disappear for hours. By the time I was nine, sometimes she’d be gone from morning until night.” She turned toward Desiree again and said, “I love you. But that’s terrifying, too, and as much as I love being here with you, it has always been a double-edged sword. Coming here gave me an excuse to leave Andre and his proposal behind.”
“I still can’t believe you did that.”
“Neither can I. I was so stupid. And as much as being here with you, and building a family with you and our friends, is the greatest feeling in the world, it has always reminded me of who and what I left behind. I needed anescape, someplace where no one knew about Lizza, or our crazy past, or Andre. So I found places to go where I didn’t have those constant reminders.”
“But what about Justin? When we first came here, and his father and Zeke and Zander came to renovate the house, you acted like you didn’t even know them.”
“No, I didn’t. Don’t you remember Zanderwinkingat me?”
“Yes, but you scowled at him. You didn’t say you knew him or his father.”
“I scowled at him because he was trying to get in my pants, and he knows Justin would beat the living daylights out of him if he saw him do it. What did you want me to do? I hadn’t seen him in years, and I barely knew any of Justin’s brothers. I met Justin when I was twelve, and I saw him over the summers on the beach here and there, but I never knew his parents. And his brothers were just kids on the beach. They’d come looking for Justin and tell him he had to go home, or whatever. It’s not like I hung out with them. I never reallyknewhis family until we moved here.”
“Oh…” Desiree’s brow furrowed. “I thought you knew them better. But you were sleeping with Justin and you kepthima secret.”
“I only slept with Justinoncesince moving to the Cape, and I told you about it.”
“He was the one you tried to…” Desiree’s cheeks pinked up. “EffAndre out of your system with?”
Violet nodded, smiling at her sister’s innocence. “And never again.”
“But Emery said he wassix-pack Jack.”
“Yes, she saw him naked, but we didn’t have sex. He’s a good friend, and when I needed someone to hold me, he was there. When I needed a safe place to try to start over, he let me use his studio to sculpt.”
“But that’s another thing I don’t understand. You have a studio here. Why would you hide the fact that you sculpt? How is that any different from pottery or the batik work you do?”
Violet told her about how Andre had taught her to sculpt and how their love of art had sparked what became the deepest connection she’d ever known. She even admitted that she’d only made love to him one night during their three months together.
Desiree’s jaw dropped open. “But you pushed me to have sex with Rick after we’d only just met.”
“Yeah, well, you needed it. And I didn’t push you to have sex. I pushed you to make love, because loving Andre had taught me the difference. You knew the value of sex. It has always been sacred and special to you. But to me it was an outlet and not at all what it should have been. Until I met Andre. And, Des, before we even made love, he made me feel so much, so good, that I lost my edge. Like,totallylost it. I became…you. Soft and girlie. Not that that’s a bad thing. You know I adore you, but it scared me to death. For the first time in myentirelife, I realized the difference between being with a guy and being intimately in love with a man. I knew making love with him would wreck me. Which it did. And then the jerk proposed, and you know the rest.” She paused, feeling like a great weight had been lifted from her chest, and said, “But don’t worry. We’ve more than made up for those three months.”
Desiree smiled. “No details, please.”
“I met his parents,” Violet said. “They were kind and funny and accepting. They adore him so much, like Ted adores you. I have never met a couple that has been together that long and still has so much love and respect for each other. I didn’t really think it was possible.”
“But you believe in me and Rick, and Dean and Emery, and—”
“Hey, I never said I wasn’t effed up.”
“You don’t have to use the f-bomb,” Desiree said.
“I kind of do sometimes, but I didn’t,” Violet said with a smile. “And there’s more I need to share with you.”
Desiree closed her eyes and took hold of Violet’s hand between them on the bed. “Okay. I’m ready.”
She told her about the coffeehouse and her friends there. “Like Justin’s studio, it started as an escape, but Andre helped me see what I hadn’t before. I think I created two separate worlds in case I lost one.”
More tears slipped from Desiree’s eyes. “That’s so sad.”
“Yeah, but what’s worse is that I hurt you in the process. It would be easy to blame it on our past, but I take full responsibility. I screwed up, and I can only use Lizza’s taking me away, and Ted’s letting her, for so long.”
Desiree turned onto her side and leaned on her elbow. “What do you meanTed’s letting her?”
