Page 8 of Soros
“Of course, Cecilia and Dian belong with their biological parents, and I know Jade and Sival will be good to them. It’s just impossible not to feel a big hole in my heart. I love them so much.”
“Will you go back and visit them from time to time?”
“If I can.” She picked at the bedsheet for a moment. “You probably think that I’m weak and stupid, but the truth is that I’m not very competent. I wouldn’t know how to get to them. I’ve never done much or made big decisions. Right now, I’m just taking each day at a time and hoping that things will work out somehow.”
I gave Star a sad smile because I sympathized with the woman’s horrible situation.
“Soros…”
“Mhm?”
“Thank you for volunteering to stay with me. I wouldn’t have liked it if Captain Lios had ordered someone to do it.”
“My pleasure. When I sleep, I sleep, so it doesn’t bother me to have someone next to me.”
She furrowed her brow. “Do you think it would bother you if you’re asleep and I…” Looking down, she said the next words softly as if she felt stupid. “…I took your hand.”
Reaching over, I placed my hand next to hers and gave her a reassuring smile. “You can hold my hand as much as you want to. I’m happy if that makes things more bearable to you.”
The wet shine in her blue eyes told me she was getting emotional. Rolling to her back, she looked up at the ceiling. I did the same and once again placed my hand next to hers, letting it be up to her if she wanted to take it or not.
My thoughts went to Tania for a moment. I had my reasons for volunteering to change rooms. My previous cabin was right next to Tania’s and Nerix’s. Every time I heard a noise from them, my whole body went on alert. I had prepared myself to hear them moan and make love, but so far, I hadn’t been able to identify those sorts of noises.
This cabin was across the hallway and two doors down, offering distance to Tania and her new lover.
For a while, I thought back to how wonderful everything had been between Tania and me when I visited Earth. Tania had been playful and fun around me. Now she was uptight and angry. At times, I wanted to shake her and make her snap out of her irrational anger. For the millionth time I wracked my brain trying to understand what I had done to make her hate me so much.
While my thoughts were in a dark place, I suddenly felt Star’s hand touch mine. Slowly, her fingers intertwined with mine and I squeezed her hand. In that moment it felt as if she was giving me comfort and not the other way around. I could relate to her loneliness because most days I felt disconnected from people around me.
Work was my priority, and I loved the times when the long hours of researching and thinking made a difference and saved someone’s life. In my culture we didn’t couple up like humans did and live together as romantic partners. And yet, during my time on Earth with Tania, I had felt better than ever before or after. That’s why I had applied to go back and work on Earth several times. The memory of K’rem’s last rejection still gnawed at my pride and heart.
16 months earlier
As a member of the Cultural Defense Committee at the Federation, K’rem had been my initial contact when I was given the assignment to work on Earth. With him being Tuncallon, he was small, slender, and with a purple hue to his skin color.
He had given me the bad news through a hologram. It was a testament to his kind heart that his tone and expression gave away that he didn’t want to disappoint me.
“We have discussed your application to research on Earth. First, let me tell you that we’re all in agreement that you did an excellent job the last time you worked there.”
“Thank you.”
“Now, this assignment, however, is very different. In some ways, we believe that your connections with the contact persons on Earth could work to your benefit.”
“I would think so. I taught high ranking members of their political and military systems and they all seemed to like me.”
K’rem gave a smile. “Yes, you’re very likable, which is also why it’s a bit of a mystery to us that you haven’t made the best impression with everyone on Earth.”
I scrunched my face into a grimace. “What do you mean?”
“The agent who was responsible for you reached out to me with a request.”
“Who, Tania?”
“Yes, Tania Dermouth, Federation employment number 941489.”
“What was her request?” I asked with confusion.
“She asked to see an Ugon Master and when I asked her why, she explained that she wanted to have all memories of you erased.”
