Page 20 of Malliko
“What?” Scrunching up my face, I stared at him. “That’s not what I said.”
Malliko angled his head. “You said you prefer a man who doesn’t want to screw.”
My shoulders eased up and I smiled a little. “I can see why that would be confusing to foreigners, but the saying of being screwed over doesn’t refer to sex. If I asked, ‘Do you want to screw?’ it’s an invitation to sex but screwing someone over is to cheat them.”
“Huh. Alright, but how would that work? How do you meet a person who doesn’t cheat, if you don't give them a chance?”
I shrugged. “You sound like my mother now and you’re right; I won’t meet him if I don’t date. But by not dating I’m avoiding having my heart ripped out again.”
With a deep frown Malliko looked at my chest as if I was speaking literally and then back to my eyes. “I’m trying to understand. What are you most afraid of?”
“Liars, cheaters, and of course the obvious fear of meeting someone who gets physically abusive. I think all women have that fear to some extent. You men are typically bigger and stronger. Being alone or even intimate with someone you don’t fully trust is scary until you get to know them.”
“Have you ever been physically assaulted by a man?”
“No, but it happens all the time to other women. I’m not naïve enough to think it couldn’t happen to me as well.”
He looked thoughtful. “If you weren’t afraid, would you date then?”
The way he looked at me with sincere interest felt like flirting. The mere thought that he was asking out of a personal interest seemed far-fetched, but still released instant butterflies in my stomach. Getting up, I closed the door because I didn’t want anyone eavesdropping on this very personal conversation.
“Why do you ask, Malliko?” I sat back down. “Is this for research or are you asking for… other reasons?” My heart was beating faster from the possibility that someone as attractive as him could be interested in me.
“I’m very curious about people’s dating life because of my dissertation.”
“Oh, okay.” I felt foolish for having even entertained the idea that a man like him would be interested in someone like me. After all, the man had shown me a picture of his fiancée yesterday. If he was the cheating kind, he would have kept her a secret.
“In the name of research, I’ll be as honest with you as I can,” I said with a smile that hopefully hid how embarrassed I felt. “I think that if I was brave, I would explore my sexuality like someof the women on Go2Match do. I admire their courage and I feel envious when I read about all the adventures they experience.”
“What kind of adventures would you like to experience?”
I looked out the window. Feeling a bit vulnerable, I rubbed my upper arm. “As I said, I want to be as open as I can, but you’re asking me to tell you things that I haven’t told anyone.” Making light of it, I joked. “That kind of openness would require a lot of alcohol and I would have to know you better.”
Malliko thought about it. “Then how about we meet at a bar after work, and I interview you as Clara and not the moderator at Go2Match? I’ll happily buy you some drinks if that helps you give me some honest answers.”
My first inclination was to reject his offer, and yet, part of me soaked up the attention he gave me. No man had asked me that kind of personal questions in years.
“Alright,” I said and felt deliciously alive when Malliko lit up as if my secret desires were important to him.
Later that afternoon, I found myself sitting in the corner of an Irish bar, squirming in my seat and getting ready to answer. I’d been here for after-work drinks a few times. The smell of beer and whiskey hung in the air, and the walls were adorned with an array of different Irish memorabilia. Music played in the background. It was afternoon and the volume was turned down enough that people could talk. On the weekends this place would be packed but right now it wasn’t too crowded. Everyone seemed relaxed and content, the atmosphere friendly and inviting and people nursing their drinks rather than drinking to get drunk.
Malliko looked expectantly at me and repeated his question. “What kind of sexual adventures would you like to experience?”
“Where do I start? I think the wildest thing my ex did was tie me up once, but all he did was give me a massage. He wasn’t very inventive in bed, and I guess I was too shy to share my fantasies with him.”
“You can tell me,” Malliko assured me. “Everything you say will stay between us. If I use any of it in my dissertation you will be anonymous.”
I took a sip of my drink but still didn’t feel relaxed enough to talk about such intimate things.
“Would you prefer if I ask you some questions, and all you have to do is nod your head yes or no,” Malliko suggested.
“Yes. Let’s try that.”
“Would you have sex to breed or for pure entertainment?”
It was a strange question, but I answered anyway. “Neither. I would do it for pleasure.”
“Alright. Based on what criteria would you pick your sex partner?”
