Page 49 of The Champion
For someone like me who analyzed everything, I was left confused by feelings that defied the rational world I knew.
“I love you, Victor.”
Freya had said those same words many times during and after we had sex, but this time they felt different, and my answer popped out of me before I could stop myself.
“I love everything about you, Freya.”
The moment I said those words, my eyes widened and I stiffened in shock.
Freya caressed my face and with a soft smile, she kissed me. “Don’t freak out. There’s nothing wrong with loving. It’s a beautiful and natural thing.”
I swallowed hard, fighting back my need to remove myself from this dangerous situation.
“Sometimes I think of you as a violin.”
Lowering my brow, I frowned. “Why?”
“Because I see you as this gorgeous instrument designed to play great music, but someone tightened your strings way too much. Do you know what happens when you tighten the strings too much?”
“You can’t play right.”
“True, and you can get hurt if you try. The strings can snap and cut your finger or hurt your eye. I’m trying to loosen your strings so that the soft melody you have in here can come out. At the same time, I’m terrified that you’ll snap and leave me with deep cuts to heal.”
I looked down at her hand on my chest. “It’s hard.”
“To say what you feel in your heart when you’ve been told it’s wrong?”
I groaned and gently pushed her off my lap and down on the sofa next to me. “I don’t want to live the Northlander way where you give someone control of your sexuality. The idea of being limited in any way doesn’t appeal to me.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? It feels like you find it easy to commit to one person. I don’t know if I could do that.”
“Let me ask you this though. Is it because you’re tempted by others? Or is it because you’ve debated us Northlanders on this topic for over a decade and giving in would feel like failure to you?”
I stretched my legs, forcing myself to stay present and talk this through. “Currently I’m not tempted by other women but that could change. How can you know that you won’t ever be interested in another man?”
“Love isn’t all about emotions, Victor. It’s also a choice based on loyalty and commitment.”
“What if I don’t want your commitment? What if I want to open up our relationship and invite more people in to have some fun?”
Freya’s eyes lit up. “Did you just admit that we’re in a relationship?”
I closed my eyes and sighed before I admitted the obvious. “I don’t know what else to call it.”
“Is living with me a bad experience?”
I met her gaze and my tone softened. “You know the answer to that. Having you around is… ehm, it’s good.”
“Ah, come on, you can do better than that. What is it like to live with your best friend and have access to all the love you want?”
I licked my lips, my throat feeling dry. I couldn’t tell how I felt completely addicted to her—how scared I was that she would marry someone else, and how I dreaded that I would soon come home to an empty apartment. “It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.”
“Do you love me?”
“You know we don’t use words like that.”
“Love isn’t about words. It’s about what’s in your heart. Do you feel a strong connection to me? Does seeing me in the morning make you happy? Is making love to me your favorite thing in the world?”
