Page 75 of Maximum
Atlas’ lips disappeared and it was clear he didn’t want to, so I turned to Jolene. “Then you tell us. You seem to have quite the x-ray view on the rest of us, so I’m sure you can pinpoint what Atlas struggled with when you first met him.”
“Of course, but…” She rubbed her neck, her eyes darting from him to the rest of us. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, I didn’t think I said anything everybody didn’t already know.”
River was sitting with Noah but leaned forward. “There’s something that I’ve only told Nathan and Maximum, but I think now is a good time to tell the rest of you.”
We all turned our faces to her.
“It’s true what Jolene said about intimacy. For years I’ve wondered if I was sexually abused by Conor, because I would freak out when a man showed sexual interest in me. Noah gave me the courage and strength to do some hypnotherapy and it helped unlock childhood memories.”
Liv’s eyebrows were drawn close and her lips quivered like she was about to cry. “And?”
“I witnessed a friend of mine get molested by Conor, and the trauma of seeing them together made me associate sex with pain and disgust.”
Liv’s eyes swung to Lumi, who quickly held up her hands. “It wasn’t me. He never touched me that way.”
“I wasn’t talking about Lumi. It was another friend. You wouldn’t know her,” River explained. “She wasn’t at the manor for long.”
“And now?” Liv looked from River to Noah and back. “Do you still feel traumatized?”
River scrunched up her mouth as if she needed a bit of time to collect herself before she could speak the words without crying. “No… Noah helped me heal.”
“Oh, thank God.” Liv closed her eyes before opening them and turning to Atlas. “And you? If you don’t want to talk about your issues, that’s fine, but can you at least tell us if you’re still struggling?”
Shifting his balance, Atlas finally admitted. “When I met Jolene, I was suppressing a large part of me…” Taking off his glasses he pinched the bridge of his nose and then put his glasses back on. “I was disgusted with my sexuality and it took someone as patient and accepting as Jolene to help me make peace with who I am.”
“Wait, I’m confused… are ye gay?” Damian asked.
“No. Do you think I would have married Jolene and had Rose if I were?”
“Lots of gay men marry and have children, especially if they’re ashamed of their sexuality,” Damian pointed out.
“He’s not gay,” Jolene confirmed.
“Ahh, I see…” Damian gave a thoughtful nod but that only made Atlas groan out loud.
“What is it that you think you see?”
“You’re into freaky things.” Damian shrugged. “It’s fine. As long as you two can figure it out together and shower after.”
Jolene blushed red. “Oh my God, Damian… you think Atlas is into something like urine sex, don’t you?”
The way Damian held up his hands, like he wanted no part of it, confirmed her suspicion. “You don’t have to tell us anything.”
“I bloody well have to now,” said Atlas, “since I don’t want you looking at me wondering what perverted things I’ve done to my wife. The reason I suppressed my sexuality was because I didn’t like how dominant I was.”
“Lots of women like dominant lovers, why would you suppress that?” Nathan asked.
“My father was a monster and I wanted to be gentle. The problem was that I’m not wired that way.”
Lumi and Damian shared a soft laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Atlas asked with irritation.
“Nothing, it’s just that we worried that you were a bit too boring for Jolene. You always seem so controlled and a bit asexual. It’s hard to imagine you…”
“Then don’t,” Atlas interrupted Lumi. “I’d prefer that you refrained from imagining anything regarding me and Jolene in that sense.”
Lumi chuckled. “I’m happy to oblige. Thank you for sharing but I’ll take the liberty of erasing it from my brain now.”
