Page 59 of Maximum
“No, I never said that. You assumed.”
“How many have you been with then? Do you have local Irish guys who come to bang you when you need to get off? What about Noah or the other men who work at your farm. Do you ride them too?”
“Jesus!” I stared at Maximum, but although his words were offensive, I didn’t take the bait. The pain on his face reminded me of an animal caught with his paw in a trap: wounded, scared, and ready to attack anyone who came near.
“You weren’t joking when you said that you get jealous.”
“No.”
“Do you want me to tell you or will you run us off the road in a fit of anger?”
“Tell me!” His knuckles were white now, from the way he squeezed the steering wheel.
“You already know how I met Pierre when I was sixteen and married him at eighteen. Well, when I told him I wanted a divorce he didn’t take it well. I never intended to leave South Africa or the animals I loved. At the time I worked in a safari park as a guide, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I was his ticket to the award-winning photos he could take when the animals felt at peace. In the end, I left South Africa to get away from him and I traveled around for almost two years, teaching and sleeping on people’s couches while saving as much money as I could. During those two years, I slept with a few men, but it was never anything serious.”
“How many are a few?”
“Three.”
“You slept with three different men?”
“I’m thirty years old and have slept with five men including Pierre and you. Don’t make it sound like I’m a slut.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“Good, and while we’re at it, why don’t you tell me how many you’ve slept with in your life.”
He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead. “I’d rather not.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“I don’t know. Somewhere between thirty and forty, maybe.”
I snorted loudly. “Talk about being a hypocrite.”
“I’ve been sexually active for twelve years and my longest relationship was ten months, so yeah, there’s been quite a few one-night stands over the years.”
Not liking the mental images of Maximum having sex with other women, I tucked my hands under my thighs.
“You’re right, my father’s disrespect for my mother festers inside me and I fucking hate that she gave herself cheaply to someone who didn’t appreciate her. And yet, here I am making the same fucking mistake with you.”
“Me? Are you seriously comparing me to your father?” This time I raised my voice a little.
“Only the part about being emotionally unavailable. I’ve told you I’m in love with you and you can’t say it back.” Maximum was almost shouting now.
“Are you even listening to yourself? I can hardly walk straight from all the times I gave myself to you last night. Doesn’t that count for something?” As I said it, I knew the answer full well and closed my hands into fists.
“Forget it.” Maximum snorted.
We drove the rest of the way in silence and when we got back to the lodge, we walked into separate rooms. Feeling tired from a lack of sleep last night, I tried closing my eyes, but my inner voice kept reminding me that I had a large brooding man in the next room hurting because I was holding back.
Again, images of Maximum with other women played tricks on my sanity. Although I wasn’t as explosive in my jealousy as him, I could relate.
Rolling off the bed, I opened the door and walked across the tiled living room to the other bedroom in the suite. I didn’t knock or call his name, but simply opened the door and stepped inside.
He wasn’t on the bed and he wasn’t in the bathroom.
“Maximum,” I called out with a hint of worry in my voice.
