Page 25 of Maximum
I sighed. “Yeah, it's probably better if I don't tell you.”
“Oh, you’d better tell me now, or I'll be the one who can't sleep.”
I hesitated but then I confessed, “The last three years that I was with Pierre, we got into arguments all the time. We were dirt poor and couldn't afford insemination in a medical clinic, so at one point he told me that if I wanted a child so bad, I could find a man in a bar and seduce him.” I averted my gaze and fixed it on Maximum’s collarbone, hoping it was too dark in the room for him to see my shame.
“Did you?” His question came in a whisper.
“No, I was afraid of getting an STD and it felt wrong to trick a man like that, so I never did, but I’m ashamed to say that I considered it.”
“Shit, I can't believe Pierre would encourage you to have sex with someone else.”
“He said it was an act of love, and that he wanted me to have the child we both so desperately wanted. Maybe he thought that it would fix our marriage somehow.”
“Fleur, help me understand this. If you want a child, then why not take a chance on falling in love with someone else? You’re still young and you have plenty of time to have at least two or three children.”
“It’s not just about me, though. I’m barely making ends meet at the farm as it is. All my savings went into the down payment and even though I got the farm for a really good price, the monthly payments, the renovations, and the keep of the animals is a stretch for me. I read somewhere that the average child costs over two hundred thousand Euros to raise before they’re eighteen.” I sighed. “I’m telling myself that it’s not the end of the world and that I’m happy with all the animals, but then you come along and say that I’m pregnant, and I…” My voice broke a little as I trailed off.
“If you had money for the insemination, would you do it?” Maximum asked me. “Don’t you think a child is better off with both their parents?”
“Ideally, yes. But plenty of children grow up in a single-parent household and have great lives. I want to believe that I’d be a great mother, and there are men working at my farm so the child wouldn’t be without male influence.”
Maximum turned to his stomach. “Can’t you even consider the option of falling in love and having a family with a man you adore?”
I considered his words and felt a tug inside, but then I remembered how much I’d fought to get out of my first marriage. “Sometimes I think the universe denied me motherhood so that I could dedicate myself to a bigger calling, of saving animals and helping humans grow their awareness.”
“You could do both and you know it.”
“I gave ten years to Pierre and ended up with nothing but emotional scars.”
“That's because he wasn’t right for you.” Maximum reached for my hand. “I’ve been in failed relationships. Everyone has, but it doesn’t make us give up on finding the right person.”
I remained quiet.
“Don't tell me you didn't enjoy our kiss tonight.”
Just the thought of Maximum’s sensual kiss made my pulse speed up.
“Fleur, don't you miss sex?”
I avoided meeting his eyes. “Sometimes, but as I said, I have a good life with the animals and the people living on my farm. I enjoy my independence.”
Maximum pushed his hair back. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” This time my curiosity brought me to meet his eyes.
“What if I was willing to donate my sperm?”
My breath hitched in my throat.
“I'm physically strong, and I'm intelligent, but I have to be honest with you; my biological father was a psychopath who hurt people.”
My curiosity piqued, I propped the pillow under my face to see him more clearly. “What are you talking about?”
“Because you didn't grow up in Ireland, you might not have heard about it, but almost fifteen years ago there was a mass murder that took place in a cult outside of Dublin. It's referred to as the Red Manor mass murder and everybody who was in Ireland at that time remembers that a crazy cult leader convinced his followers to commit suicide. The only one who refused was shot by him before the police took him out. Twenty-eight people lost their lives that night.”
“That’s awful.”
“I know. My father was the cult leader. He was intelligent, charming, persuasive, and a master manipulator. People adored him and followed him without realizing that he used them. My mother included.”
