Page 90 of Maximum
“It would explain why infidelity is such a trigger for you and why having it happen to you at a young age was extra destructive to your self-esteem, but it’s only part of the story. Lots of people have been cheated on, me included, but it doesn’t make me explode with jealousy like you.”
“It’s just because I love Fleur so much.”
“No, don’t fool yourself. Jealousy isn’t love. It’s nothing more than your fear talking, and what it’s telling you is that you might not be enough. That’s what makes you try and control the situation, but your jealousy transforms your fear into unreasonable anger that you take out on Fleur and the men who fancy her. What if you actually had physically attacked the man who put his arm around her?”
“I did. I pushed him, but Fleur stopped me before it escalated into a full-on fight.”
“Come on! Aggressive behavior like that will get you arrested for assault and you could end up in jail. You know that, right?”
“I know, I’m not stupid.”
“Jealousy will overrule intelligence.”
I stayed silent as I couldn’t argue that point.
“Did you know that most of our decisions are based on the subconscious?”
“Yes, I’ve heard that.”
“That means that we’re often driven to a behavior rather than making a conscious decision about it. We all can feel jealous sometimes—that’s not the issue—and the emotion isn’t bad in itself.”
“You just said that it might land me in jail.”
“No, feeling jealous won’t land you in jail. Hitting a man will. You need to separate feelings and actions.
“Feeling jealous won’t push your partner away but blaming them for things they didn’t do, and making scenes, might.”
I squeezed the steering wheel. “So how do I control my jealousy?”
“You need to change your mindset. Let me tell you about the women who are attracted to your brother.”
“Who, Atlas?”
“Yes. I’m sure Nathan has women falling at his feet too, but that’s Serena’s problem, not mine. With Atlas there are gold diggers at his company and social functions. They use clever tricks to get close to him because he’s the CEO of a big Fortune 500 company, which means he’s rich, powerful, and on top of that he’s also young, attractive, and intelligent. That makes him a target. With Atlas traveling so much he could have a new woman in his room every night if he wanted to. It’s something I’m aware of, Maximum.”
“Atlas wouldn’t cheat on you, he adores you,” I assured her.
“I know he does, but it would still be easy to let my mind go crazy with worst-case scenarios. That’s where mindset comes in. Atlas and I have discussed our mutual expectations as to fidelity and respect. When I see the gorgeous women drawn to him, I know that most are much more beautiful than I am, but then I remind myself that Atlas likes me because of a number of things. Mostly he likes me because of how I make him feel about himself.”
I gave her a sideways glance.
“You know that’s the best way to know that you’re with the right person, right? They bring out the best version of you. Not the toxic part that wants to control the situation, but the mellow part of you that can be at peace with all your flaws and feel accepted as you are. I do that for Atlas in a way no one else could. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. But either way, it makes me able to feel pride when I see women drawn to him.”
“People are drawn to Fleur too.”
“Of course they are. She’s a gem, and I’m hoping you and she will be together for always so I can call her family.”
I sighed. “You and me both.”
“But my point is that you shouldn’t wish for peoplenotto be attracted to her. You should be proud that they are and then you should observe how she reacts to them. If she’s not a loyal person, then she’s not worth your time to begin with. You deserve someone who respects you.”
“I agree.”
“But then you have your answer right there. I know you feel powerless when you’re jealous, but you’re not. The ultimate power is always within your grasp. Just like I get to decide if I want to be with Atlas, you get to decide if you want to be with Fleur. If they don’t live up to our standards, then we can walk away.”
“That’s the whole problem. I don’t want to walk away from Fleur. I’m afraid of losing her.”
“Good, but then you need to handle your jealousy better. Let’s say you’d walked into the pub tonight and asked to talk to her for a moment. You could have pulled her to the side and told her about your feelings. Putting on a show that embarrasses your partner is never okay. At least have the decency to address your issues in private.”
