Page 56 of Maximum
“As I said, I’m not your father, but I can see that to you, I’m the next best thing. Your anger is safe with me.”
I scoffed because that was such a stupid thing for him to say. “I’ve got twenty kilos of muscle on you and almost fourteen years of suppressed anger for my father. Trust me, if I took that out on you, the wordsafewouldn’t come to your mind.”
“What would you tell him if he was here?” Anthony asked me.
“That I hate him.” It flew out of me. “That he ruined so many people’s lives, including myself and my siblings.”
“How?” Anthony didn’t cower in front of me but asked his question without pity in his eyes.
“He messed us up, killed my mother and Lumi’s mum. And all the others too.” Words came rambling out of me. “My siblings and I, we all look normal, but we’re so fucked up with issues that a life of therapy wouldn’t be enough. There’s rage, self-doubt, jealousy, mistrust, and suicidal thoughts to start.”
“Are you suicidal?”
I got up from the couch, unable to sit still any longer. “No, but I used to be. Do you have any idea what it’s like to go to school with everyone knowing your father was a monster? I was bullied for years and I took it all out on the rugby field, my anger and my sadness.”
“So, rugby was therapeutic for you? That’s good.”
I walked to the window, longing to be somewhere else. “I didn’t come here for a therapy session, so knock it off.”
“I’m not offering therapy, but I do have a question for you.”
When he stayed silent, I turned. “What?”
“It’s clear that you hold a lot of resentment toward your father, which is understandable, but my question is, didn’t he do anything good?”
“No!”
“Nothing at all?”
“No.” I walked over to the couch again. “I know what you’re doing and I’m not going to give you that satisfaction. You’re using me as if this was a conversation between you and one of your disgruntled followers, but I’m not going to tell you that I gained anything from growing up in a cult.”
“If you want to hang on to all the bad, that’s your choice, but I’d still like to challenge you to think about what good your father offered the world. Humans like to categorize things as good or bad but for the most part it’s a matter of perspective.”
“Do you regret it?”
“What? Creating my group?”
“Yes, do you regret it?” I repeated.
“What would be the point of that? It was part of my journey and I learned from it. Would I have done it differently today? Absolutely.”
Crossing my arms again, I snarled, “Sounds like you’re considering a comeback.”
“I’m teaching again, but no, I’m not interested in starting a community like the one we had back in the States.”
“Good, because if your members were here they could probably tell you how much they hated you.”
Anthony’s brow dropped. “I’d like to think they also learned from the experience.”
Fleur stood up. “I think this interview has taken a detour. Maybe it’s better if we go now.”
She was right. My hands were shaking, and I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin and run the hell away from this guy. When he stood up and leaned in to hug Fleur, I growled. “Don’t touch her.”
To me, Anthony, was dark and dangerous, like my father with a different face. I didn’t want him to pollute Fleur’s white innocence.
She ignored me and spoke to Anthony. “Thank you for taking the time to meet with us.”
“I’m happy to be of service.”
