Page 55 of Maximum
“And are you humble now?”
“Humble enough to admit my mistakes. I’m sorry for the people I hurt.”
“You said you feel shame.”
“Yes.”
“What are you ashamed of? Sounds like everyone was at your summer camp voluntarily.” There was sarcasm in my tone, but Anthony didn’t call me out on it.
“The list is long, but the narcissism is something that I feel shame about. The ego is a tricky monster and it will tell you that you’re selfless while putting up your portrait for others to admire.”
“You liked the admiration,” I concluded.
“Attention is addictive and like any drug it’s designed to make you lose control. I thought I was pure and selfless because every action I took was driven by good intentions, or at least that’s what I told myself. When the members began questioning my decisions, I saw them as ungrateful and intensified the pressure, but eventually everything snapped, and I gave an ultimatum.”
Pushing my jaw out, I pinned the little man with my eyes. “Did you ask them to kill themselves to show loyalty?”
“No, of course not.” Anthony frowned. “I would never intentionally harm any of the members. I cared very much for all of them.”
“So, what was your ultimatum?”
“That they would behave, or I would leave.”
“And by behave you mean to follow your rules.”
“Yes. The little whispers had spread to murmurs and some had reached outside our community to rekindle relationships to family they missed. When I couldn’t rein them back in, I chose to dissolve the group and leave.”
“And you came here?”
“No, first I went back to India for a few years, but then I met Kenneth and he convinced me to come back to South Africa with him.”
“Is Kenneth your partner?”
Anthony hesitated. “We’ve never put a label on our relationship, but we live together and share a spiritual link.”
“Do you fuck?” My direct question surprised both Anthony and Fleur, who stared at me. I didn’t mean to be rude but speaking to Anthony was like talking with my father. The way he gave everything a spin, to make it all more palatable, provoked me.
Anthony narrowed his eyes. “Are you homophobic?”
“No.”
“Then what is it about my relationship with Kenneth that triggers you?”
It was my turn to move in my seat. “I’m not triggered. I don’t care who you’re with.”
“And yet, you reacted very strongly. Why?”
“Maybe because you’re just likehim.”
“Your father?”
“Yes. He was with my mother for more than sixteen years without everdefiningtheir relationship. He used people too.”
Anthony’s lips pressed together. He didn’t like me saying that he used people, but I had no problem calling him out.
“You say that you’re not a psychopath, but you sure have a lot in common with my dad. He also loved playing God and was a puppet master. I wonder if the celibacy you imposed on your members included yourself or did having sex with you constitute a spiritual practice instead of mundane sex?”
“Maximum!” Fleur protested, but Anthony lifted his hand gesturing that it was okay.
