Page 80 of The Outcast
“And? What did she say?”
“She already guessed our feelings for one another. It’s hard to get anything past Freya. But she said that she would help us be together,ifwe’re sure that we want the same thing.”
He played with my hand, listening as I continued talking. “Banni, what I want is to live my life with you. I want us to be a family.”
His fingers stopped playing with my hand and his eyes closed for a second.
“Is that not what you want?”
“It’s difficult for me to talk about what I want, or even dare think such selfish thoughts. I’m not special to anyone but you, Sparrow. All my life, I’ve always felt replaceable. To hear you say that you want a family with me is surreal.”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s true. People in my line of work die all the time and no one but their team members will mourn them. The way you care about each other here, it’s both strange and wonderful. I see what Belle and Mason have with baby Violetta and it’s like I can’t breathe. I used to think of your culture as limiting, but after I fell in love with you, that changed. Now, the fact that Mason and Belle get to keep their child and stay together makes me jealous.”
“So, you do want it?”
Banni’s brown eyes were large and sincere. “Yes. I have nightmares about Nmen stealing you away from me and I wake up exhausted from fighting them off.”
“I have nightmares too,” I admitted. “I wake up and wish you were here to soothe me.”
He pulled me closer into his arms and kissed me again. “Say the word and I’ll sleep in here with you.”
I smiled back at him. “I would like that, but we would have to do it the Northlander way and marry first. If not, you could get in a lot of trouble if we were caught.”
“I would marry you today if I had a guarantee that we could stay together. If not, I won’t bind you in a contract.”
“But…”
Banni didn’t let me speak. “I already talked to Thor about the situation. He’s taking the matter to Khan.”
“Good. As I said, Freya knows about us as well. She thinks we might have to go back and negotiate with Moreau.”
Banni leaned his forehead against mine, carefully avoiding the covered part of my right side. “Tell me again that this is what you want.”
I spoke with conviction. “It’s what I want.”
“I’m having a hard time understanding why, Sparrow. I’m not a rich man and I have no power here? Why not go for someone like Thor?”
“Thor?” I pulled back a little. “Why would I want to be with Thor?”
“He’ll be the ruler one day. Women are drawn to him.”
“True, but he’s far too bossy for my taste. Aubri and I often discussed how we feel bad for the woman who ends up marrying him.”
“Thor is a good man.”
“Sure, on his good days, but he can also be a tyrant like his dad and then there’s the whole package of formality and attention that comes with him. No thank you. I would much sooner build a cozy house in the forest and be at peace with you.”
Banni laughed. “Then that’s our plan. But first we’ll need to find a way for me to stay here permanently without starting a war between our nations.”
“If that doesn’t work, I could always come to France and live with you,” I offered.
His laughter died out as he shook his head. “That would never work. They wouldn’t allow us to keep our children, and living together in a relationship isn’t done.”
“Aubri and Indiana did it.”
“Because they’re foreigners. I’m a citizen and must follow the laws. They wouldn’t let me keep you.”
