Page 48 of The Outcast
“I’m sorry about that, Keith.”
“But you said that you didn’t want to share your parents.”
“Yes, it was a recurrent issue in my childhood that I hated sharing my parents with all the other kids. There was always a situation that needed their attention. A child that was homesick, couldn’t follow rules, or suffering from nightmares. My brothers didn’t seem bothered the same way I did, but I got so desperate that I did things to get in trouble, just to get their attention.”
“Like what?”
“I refused to do my homework, I walked away from the school when I wasn’t allowed to, I spied on the boys, and I got in fights. A million times, I heard my parents talk about not playing favorites, but I was their biological daughter while the others were students. Most of the students had their parents at home so it felt unfair that they got to take my parents from me. As I saw it, Ryder, Aspen, and I should be their favorites.”
“Maybe you were. Maybe they just didn’t admit it.”
“I asked my mom a dozen times and each time she answered that she loved all the children at the school. Of course, her answer never satisfied me, and then there was the awful incident at the yearly survival camp when I was twelve.”
The surreal situation of Keith and me talking while I was tied down didn’t escape me, but I figured that as long as we were talking, he wasn’t touching or hurting me.
“What happened when you were twelve?” he asked. It made me venture into a long ramble.
“My dad was insistent that we learn about survival. Once a year, all students between twelve and fifteen would go on a yearly survival trip without adults. The teachers helped us train for it all year, taking us out in the wild and showing us how to survive. On one of those overnight trips, I got in an argument with another girl and my father took her side. It broke my heart because I felt that he loved her more than he loved me. My dad and I talked about it later and he hardly remembered the situation that seemed trivial to him. To him our dispute was insignificant, and he made a snap decision. To me, however, it felt like raw betrayal from his side. Looking back, my emotional breakdown had accumulated over years. My parent’s fear of favoring their own children over students made them harder on us too many times. That day I felt so heartbroken and humiliated that I snuck out of camp. In my twelve-year old wisdom, I decided that they didn’t love me or deserve me. I would be much better off living by myself. But then darkness fell in the forest and the trees seemed to come to life. My imagination ran wild, and so I tried to find my way back. That’s when I realized that I was lost.
“I was scared out of my mind and it felt like hours that I walked around in circles, trying to find the others while crying my eyes out.”
“Did you find them?”
“I did, and when I dragged myself back into camp after being caught in a nightmare, I found that they hadn’t even noticed that I was missing.”
Keith’s blue eyes widened. “None of them?”
With a knot in my chest, I shook my head. “Even now, more than thirteen years later, I can still feel the pain of seeing my father by the fire with his students, cooking and talking as if everything was fine.”
“He didn’t notice you were gone at all?”
“He says that he thought I was sleeping.”
“But he didn’t check up on you?”
“Who knows? He says that he asked one of the other students to check up on me and that no one told him I was missing.”
“Then what did you do?”
I shrugged. “There wasn’t much I could do. As a kid your world is limited, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Keith looked down with a thoughtful expression and picked a speck of dust from the bed. “Did you forgive him?”
“My dad is a good man. He and my mom know that they made mistakes and I think they were slightly better with my younger brother than me. I’m not mad at them any longer, but I guess trauma like that stays with you.”
“Hmm. I can relate to the feeling of wanting your parents to love you. My mother left when I was young. I don’t remember much about her, except for the stories my dad told me.”
“What did he tell you?”
Keith looked up at the yellow ceiling. “My father told me that my mother loved a man to take charge and show initiative. She wanted a rough mountain man instead of those fairies back in the Motherlands. It just got a little much for her during winter when there wasn’t much else to do but try for another baby.”
“Did they have another baby?”
“No. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. He told me that he fucked her morning, noon, and night. Of course, when she left him things changed.”
There was an eerie tone to Keith’s voice as his eyes glazed over. From the way his lips and nose wrinkled, I guessed that whatever memories he was remembering, they weren’t pleasant.
Blinking his eyes, he refocused on me. “I’m sorry about your childhood trauma, but you can trust that you’ll never have to share me with anyone. I’ll be devoted to you, sweet girl.” Keith brushed his hand over my hair. “I know you’re confused, but you’re my soulmate. The moment you suggested sex, I felt the connection. Tomorrow will be our wedding day. I want us to exchange vows of loyalty.”
