Page 78 of The Outcast
“What is it?”
“Do you have pen and paper?”
“In there.” I pointed to a drawer in a desk by the window.
“Good. I’m putting a don’t disturb sign on your door. That should buy us a little time.”
I had wanted desperately to be alone with Banni, but now that it was happening, I suddenly felt nervous. What if Freya was right and we wanted different things?
Unsure how to bring up all the important stuff that was on my mind, I chose a safe subject. “Linea told me she’ll do the vetting of the first eight candidates tomorrow. If everything goes well, she’ll vet the next ten recruits on Monday.”
Banni seemed distracted and didn’t answer me. Instead, he came over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. For the longest moment he just looked at me before he muttered, “Sparrow, can we talk?”
From his drooping eyebrows, I knew something was wrong. My skin flushed hot and my throat felt swollen. His sadness had to be caused by one of two things, and both were awful. “They found out, didn’t they?”
“Who?”
My nose tickled with tears pressing. “Your government. Did they find out about Keith? Did they cancel the agreement and ask you to return?”
Banni’s eyes widened. “I fucking hope not.”
Blinking my eyes, I tried to let that sink in and then went to the other option for his sadness. “Did you regret your words at the hospital?”
His brow rose. “No.”
“Then what’s wrong? Why do you look like a skinned cat?”
“You came close to dying and you were trapped by a maniac for over a day.” Banni raked a hand through his hair. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened to you in the cabin. Can we talk about it?”
I felt all the blood leave my face. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry for being direct, Sparrow, but did he rape you?”
I stared at him unsure how to interpret his question. Nmen preferred their women virgins, but Banni was French. “I thought that it wouldn’t matter to you.”
“Of course, it matters to me. It’s a big deal, Sparrow.”
“Keith didn’t rape me.”
Banni closed his eyes and leaned back his head, pushing out a heavy breath followed by words in French that I was sure translated toThank God.
“But even if he did, it shouldn’t change how you feel about me. You’re not a virgin yourself.”
Banni stiffened and then he met my gaze with a deep triangle between his eyebrows. “What? Why?” Shaking his head, Banni tried to form a sentence. “I’m so confused right now. Did you think I would judge you for what happened in that cabin? You were taken against your will. I’m just scared of that monster traumatizing you for life.”
My shoulders sank a little. “He insisted on us marrying before having sex. That’s why he built the fire. It was for the ceremony.”
Banni blinked his eyes a few times. “I know he was crazy, but what was the point of marrying you inside a burning fire? Surely he must have known it would kill you both before the wedding was final.”
“That part happened because he saw the Black Ghost approach. His original plan was for us to watch the burning heart while exchanging words of loyalty and then consummate the wedding.”
“Consummate?”
“It’s the first time you have sex. That’s when you truly become man and wife.”
“Nonsense, if that were the case, we French would have many wives and husbands.”
“No, because you’ll need more than the sex. You need to exchange vows and most often rings. You were there at the double wedding this summer. Remember the ceremony where Khan declared first Indiana and Aubri husband and wife and then Mason and Belle?”
