Page 58 of The Ruler
But I had felt awful for lying, when the truth was that I would have never come to the Northlands if not to secure Athena’s safe return.
I knew I could go home if I wanted to. All I had to do was mention the code word rainbow to my mother, Councilwoman Isobel, and she would force Khan to give me back by holding back the boys that the Northlands depended on.
Just knowing that I had a way out had given me the strength to focus on projects that could change the course of our nations. The school project was my baby.
But I had hurt Khan and he had hurt me.
For weeks my curiosity had played tricks on me and tonight he had pushed me to give in.
It had gone from a first real kiss to intercourse so incredibly fast – and before I knew it, it had been over.
With desperation, Khan had begged me and flattered me by his raw desire; and high on my own arousal, I had let him. It had felt good, until it didn’t.
The moment he pulled out, I knew we had made a mistake. Our relationship was already complicated and the expression on his face spoke of deep regret.
I was hurt!
And mad at myself for letting it go too far.
It didn’t get any better with his prodding questions about my sex life and provoked by his judgmental comment that he wanted me to be an innocent, I had exaggerated and made the one time I’d been in a sex club sound like something I had repeated several times. In reality, my life hadn’t been very exciting when it came to sex. There had been one man, and it had been awkward and easily forgotten.
At least with Khan I had felt aroused.
“Were they better than me?” Khan had asked and I had stabbed him with my answer that it was hard to say, since he’d come so quickly. I was no expert on men, but it didn’t take much empathy to know that was a hurtful statement.
One that he had reciprocated by telling me that he would prefer a sex-bot over a stiff board like me, any day.
No more words had been spoken.
I was left with a bleeding heart and leaking eyes that wouldn’t stop watering,
Maybe he was right. Maybe I was a lousy bed partner. He had told me I wasn’t his type before, but I’d never asked him what his type was.
It doesn’t matter, I told myself.I’ve been chosen to serve my people and there is no room for vanity, pride, or sexual longings in a councilwoman’s life anyway.
I used the soft cover to dry away my silent tears, erasing the proof that despite being a chosen one I was only human and deeply hurting.
Khan
If my short-lived romance with Pearl had been a chess game, then I had lost because of my lack of patience. Like a goddamn rookie, I had gone straight for the queen and been wiped out immediately.
Yesterday, she had been smiling and talking with Boulder all day. But he was gone now and she hadn’t spoken a word to me since we woke.
She conversed politely with the people we visited and gracefully addressed the endless questions she was asked with that annoying soft-spoken tone she had used when she first arrived.
It made me realize just how much she had conformed to my world in our two months together.
But Pearl was done conforming and it was my own fault.
I had pushed her too far and yet I would have to push her again to break the awkward silence between us.
I used a dirty trick that I knew would work.
“Finn, can you take us to that town you talked about? The one that almost burned down last year. I want to see how far they’ve come in rebuilding their lives.”
“Okay, you wanna stop there?” Finn asked from the drone in front of us.
“No, we’ll just pass through.” I ended the transmission on my wristband and sank back in the luxurious drone that had taken us from the west coast to the east coast in three hours the other day and was now chauffeuring us around. I preferred to have Magni in a separate drone from Pearl, although during this trip he had kept sober and seemed to be returning to his normal self.
