Page 70 of The Explorer
Banni’s brown eyes were stormy. “It’s when you slow down that it breaks you. The trick is to keep moving and not dwell on it. Your grief won’t bring them back, so why go there?” He pulled hard to tighten the knot.
We were almost done packing the drone when a group of people walked into the hangar.
Indiana and I stood back with Val and Alex while Banni and Sifan walked over to meet them.
“Are these the new members?” I asked Alex.
“The short one who’s speaking right now is our boss. He’s an A and treats us like shit. I’ve never seen the four others but from their crestfallen faces, I’d say they’re forced recruits.”
“But that boy with the pink hair looks like he’s twelve.”
“He has to be seventeen or he wouldn’t be here. It’s normal for recruits to be scared. They’ve heard it’s a suicide mission but they’re taking their chances.”
“You just said that they were forced.”
Alex shrugged. “When I say forced, I mean they’re choosing this over other unpleasant scenarios. It’s not their first choice. That’s why it was so refreshing for us to meet you two who actually enjoy Exploration work.”
“Then the woman in the back has to be the refuser?” Indiana said.
As if she could feel us talking about her, the dark-haired woman gazed in our direction.
Alex straightened up and squared his shoulders a bit. “Oui. She would be the refuser. It means that she just turned twenty-seven because that’s the deadline for how long a woman can avoid pregnancy before they have to pick between prison and Exploration work.”
I studied the woman. She was at least a head smaller than me and curvy with large breasts. I instantly disliked the way she sent flirtatious smiles in Indiana’s direction.
“Actually...” Alex leaned his head to one side. “I think I know her. Hmm.”
“Probably one of the many women you’ve been with,” Indiana suggested.
“Oh,oui.” His face softened. “I can’t remember her name, but I’ve definitely been with her. Ah, but it was a long time ago. Maybe she’ll go along with the five-year rule.”
“What rule is that?”
“It’s not an official rule, but in general it’s accepted to go for another round of sex if it’s been more than five years since you last fucked.”
Crossing my arms, I muttered low, “Sorry, Alex, but it looks like she’s got her eyes on Indiana.”
“Hmm, I think you’re right. It’s fine. Once their three times are over, I wouldn’t mind another go with her. She’s attractive.”
Indiana chuckled as if the whole thing was amusing to him, but to me there was nothing funny about it.
The thought of Indiana with this woman brought out the same reaction in me as the times we’d been in the underground fight club and I’d seen women come on to him. I hated that annoying feeling of jealousy making my stomach tighten into a hard knot.
My time in France was supposed to be fun, rebellious, and free. This was my chance to experiment and explore without feeling judged or limited in any way. So why was I sabotaging myself by entering into a sexual relationship with the one person I didn’t want to hurt?
Did I really think that come December, Indiana and I could go back to the Northlands and pretend we hadn’t been lovers for almost a year?
After wishing Alex good luck on his temporary team, our group brought our newest member back to our hangar. The flirtatious woman walked in front with Banni and Indiana while Val and I trailed along.
Watching Indiana being friendly with her brought up a disturbing thought that I’d done my best to not think about. I’d promised to marry an Nman when I returned to the Northlands. If I chose a large dangerous warrior like I’d always imagined, where would that leave Indiana and me?
My heart sank at the thought of the inevitable – he would go on to marry someone else as well.
There would be no more hugs or kisses between us. Any contact would be cordial and polite. Our families were friends, which meant that we would watch each other with our different partners. He would have children with someone else.
My deep groan made Val look at me with a questioning look, but I couldn’t tell him how a fierce possessiveness had me pressing my molars tightly together.
Indiana had hinted several times that he wanted more than sex from me, but I’d avoided talking about our feelings for each other. How long could I insist this was all about exploring our sexuality, when clearly I was madly in love with him?
