Page 79 of River
I smiled.
Noah: I’m more like a fan. I’m studying with her for six months.
River: What about your police work?
Noah: I quit.
River: Wow! Good for you. Pursuing your dream of working as a dog trainer full time then?
Noah: That’s the plan. What about you?
River: I went on a date tonight.
I frowned. Why the hell was she telling me that?
River: Fancy restaurant and expensive food, but all I could think about was our date on the beach.
I scratched my neck.
River: I think you cured me, Noah. I can honestly say that I’m no longer attracted to billionaires. It turns out that I’m having more fun in a relaxed setting where I can laugh out loud and be myself.
I honestly wasn’t sure what to write back to her because although I was happy for her, it hadn’t done me any good. She’d still dumped me.
River: I thought you’d be happy for me.
Noah: I am. It’s just a bit random to hear from you now.
River: I know. Sorry.
Noah: You told me not to reach out to you, so I’ve kept my distance, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been angry with you.
River: Because I ran out that night?
Noah: Yes, and because you left me hanging, like what we had was nothing but a fling.
River: I wish I hadn’t freaked out like that. Sorry!
Noah: I was in love with you. It fucking hurt.
River: I was in love with you too, but I got scared.
The texts were flying back and forth between us, and in between reading and texting, I put on briefs and a t-shirt.
Getting under my thick duvet, I lay on my side, staring at my phone.
River had already said sorry twice, but it wasn’t enough.
Noah: I know you got scared, but you should have talked to me about it. You knew I would never hurt you.
River: Can you forgive me?
I thought about it, but I was too proud.
Noah: A few text messages don’t make up for seven months of silence. Maybe if we ever meet in person again and you apologize to me face to face, I’ll forgive you, but until then, I’ll stick to not liking you.
River didn’t text me back after that.
Tossing and turning in my bed, I wondered if I’d made a mistake, but she had crushed my heart and allowing her close again would be reckless. From the first moment I saw her, River had captivated me, and my attraction to her had been like nothing I’d experienced before. If there ever was a siren, River was it. I thought about what Maximum had told me about the lovesick billionaires who competed for River’s attention by giving her extravagant gifts. I might have the money to play along, but I wasn’t a fool, and if she didn’t want me for me, I didn’t want her either.
The pain in my chest contradicted my thoughts. A part of me would give everything for River to pick me, which was precisely why I couldn’t allow myself to get close to her again. She was dangerous and unpredictable.
With a heavy sigh, I turned for the fiftieth time. At Fleur’s farm, we got up at five-thirty, and so I was getting into a routine of going to bed at ten, but from the way my head was churning, and my body was longing for River, I sensed that I wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.
If only I hadn’t met her.
The moment I finished my thought, I regretted it. The truth was that I wouldn’t still be grieving my loss of River if those three weeks with her hadn’t been the best in my life.
